april fools day. all day I was waiting for something from my brother. He's a prankster. Nothing.
April 2nd I get an email from Brother's Car Impoundment Unit with subject line: Your Car Reg. No. A102452110032 is ready for collection. The email informed me that at 9:35 that morning my car had been removed from my parent's address (where my car has been residing) for being illegally parked. The towaway was apparently authorized by Section 34.2 of 1999 Parking Regulations (SI 876). This email was followed by Alan Grohert with a subject line: Assistance with the ___ Account (an account I work on). Did I not mention that these were coming to my work email address? Alan wanted to inform me that my Account Director (her name was included in the email) asked him to contact me to work on a project. The email included the following P.S.: I'm actually naked in the office at the moment as everyone else is currently in a meeting. It's a great feeling of freedom. I'd recommend it to anyone. Throughout the day I received 14 more emails. One from a good friend asking me where I was the night before as she had waited for over an hour for me to arrive. One was to confirm a training day for "Elementary Telephone Skills" that my manager had apparently signed me up for since I have an "appalling telephone manner." Another from an assistant producer at an Adult Productions company informing me that a friend of mine (his name was included in the email) having appeared in a number of their DVD's including "Confessions of a Doofus" and "Wayne's Donkey" had suggested they contact me as I might have the right "assets" (and yes assets was in quotes in the email) to work within the growing adult entertainment business. A favorite of mine was from the head of my company discussing inappropriate activities in the work environment. It was a reminder that all employees have a duty to "uphold a basic standard of decency" in the office. So yeah, "In future, anyone found masturbating on the premises will face instant dismissal." There was an email from a high school crush. My order from Lucky Leo's Used Sex Toy's had been "despatched." Annonymous wrote me an ode to his llama: I will hug them, squish them, and love them forever... My clinic results were in and I have finally tested negative.
And my favorite:
Again from the owner of the company where I work. I have taken out all references to his name and the company name but they were all in the actual email.
Subject line: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:Hey shit face.
Alright, that's enough, Sara. I can take a joke like anyone else, but you've now overstepped the mark and I am now obliged to start disciplinary proceedings against you. Using the email system for offensive and crude messaging is a clear breach of _______'s work policy.
This email constitutes a first written warning as set out in the terms and conditions of employment at _______. Any further infringements will lead to a second and final warning. Please note that your employment records will now be updated to incorporate this official reprimand.
______
_______
-----------------------------------------------------
>From: smennona@
>Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re:Hey shit face
>Date: 30 Mar, 2008 13:42
>To:
>
>Up your ass, dick head.
>
-----------------------------------------------------
>From:
>Subject: Re: Re: Re:Hey shit face
>Date: 30 Mar, 2008 13:42
>To:
>
>Come on, this is sounding a bit like you mean
>it. Just stop now before I take it seriously.
>
-----------------------------------------------------
>From:
>Subject: Re: Re:Hey shit face
>Date: 30 Mar, 2008 13:42
>To:
>
>No really, you are a shitface
>
-----------------------------------------------------
>From:
>Subject: Re:Hey shit face
>Date: 30 Mar, 2008 13:42
>To:
>
>Very funny Sara... have you been drinking *lol*
>
-----------------------------------------------------
>From:
>Subject: Hey shit face
>Date: 30 Mar, 2008 13:42
>To:
>
>Dear ______,
>
>I see your face looks like shit again!
