Here lies Sara's spirit...

Sara's spirit passed away late last night after a fatal stab to the heart. Only hours after a treacherous return from a brief sojourn in Vermont, Spirit was rendered defenseless in a verbal spar with none other than Sara's mother, the Praying Downer.

Accounts from family and friends concur that Spirit was unusually jovial in the days leading to her demise. This unusual joyousness has been contributed to Spirit's up-coming trip to California. It seems that an unexpected glitch in travel plans were the reason for Spirit's tragic confrontation with PD. Spirit, often considered a glutton for punishment, chose to confide in PD her traveling woes in hopes for some sort of remedy, or at the very least motherly empathy.

"I really thought she might have a solution to my problem," said Sara. "It never occurred to me that she would only make things worse."

And make things worse, PD did. After acknowledging Spirit's travel anxieties, PD attempted to assist by bringing to light the numerous other things Spirit should be concerned with. What began as a polite conversation turned vicious when PD began reading the classifieds to Spirit, often times ignoring the fact that Spirit was in no way qualified for most of the listed positions, many of which required years of experience equal to that of Sara's age or the ability to cure cancer while running a small country. Only slightly defeated Spirit attempted to rebut with her well-thought out life plan, often referring to the point that at only 23 years of age, there was no need for Spirit to know exactly what lay ahead. PD fought back with a weak sucker punch, drawing attention to the small fact that many of Spirit's previous life plans have fallen apart, or worse, were never even implemented. With only a wimper of a rebuttal from Spirit, PD quickly took control of the fight with a blow to the stomach, addressing the "car situation." Caught off guard, Spirit only made the situation worse acknowledging that attempting to fix a vehicle that would need replacing by summer was a mistake and that no plans were currently in the works on how to rectify the situation.

Spirit attempted to save herself, admitting defeat and walking away from the fight, when she was unexpectedly attacked from behind. In an unprecedented bad judgment call, PD chose this moment to notice Spirit's t-shirt. The alleged shirt had a print of a gun with a heart extending out of the barrel and the phrase "Love Gun" above it. PD was taken aback by the shirt, unsure of whether or not she was truly offended by the "Love Gun" message. After a moment's consideration, PD decided that the shirt was indeed offensive since she was "against guns." Unsure of how to handle the unforeseen turn of events, Spirit attempted to defend the clothing choice in a number of ways. Her immediate response was to use logic, a usually ineffective weapon when battling the more literal PD, making the obvious point that if one needs to think about whether or not they are offended by something, then they probably are not. Not leaving a mark, Spirit reconsidered her approach and chose to make the point that the shirt fit so well that the "Love Gun" print was not a consideration when making the purchase. In a last ditch effort, Spirit chose to appeal to PD's infamous frugal nature stating the shirt's practically non-existent price tag as the reason for it's possession. Spirit's last desperate attempt to save herself was to no avail.

With one final blow, PD stated that Spirit was "irresponsible" and predicted that within the year, would end up "without a car, broke, and unemployed." Utterly defeated, Spirit retreated to her lair under the covers where she breathed her final breaths. According to statements from witnesses Spirit's final words were, "I was only worried about getting my suitcase from the apartment to the train station."

Sara's spirit was buried in the backyard next to the dog in a quiet ceremony early this morning. The victimized Sara was the only attendee. There has been no word yet as to what PD's punishment will be, although speculation predicts a long-term sentence of the silent treatment.

(ed. note: sad thing is i think my mom might be right.)