I thought maybe someone had died.

While having dinner with my *almost* entire family, I announced some devastating news. You see back in high school I had a pretty major hard-core crush on one, well considering the nature of my announcement I won't name names, let's just call him L. He was beautiful. He was tall and blonde and man, what a body! Athletic and tattooed and four years my senior and a major bad-ass so of course, love. My crush began the first time I saw him at one of my dad's boy scout functions at age 8 and continued right up until freshman year when he was a senior. I can recall word by precious word all two of the conversations I had with him. I would forever hold dear the idea that he was still driving around in the car he bought from my brother, a car I, too, had driven in many times. The end of my freshman year was the last time I saw L.

Eleven years did not hinder my crush. If anything, the time and distance only strengthened my feelings for L. I held dear in my heart the hope that I would one day randomly run into L. and he would of course immediately recognize me and fall madly in love with me and we would live happily ever after. I ignored the fact that over time I had completely forgotten what this guy even looked like. I ignored the fact while in the process of moving stumbled upon my old high school yearbooks, looked at his picture, and had to do a double-take, almost questioning what I saw in this person so long ago. Despite all this, I continued my crush, my hope, my love.

I recently stumbled upon (I was not stalking, I very honestly, and literally, stumbled upon) a picture of L. on myspace. And my tragic, devastating news?

Dude's fugly. Bloated and balding and dirt bag-y. I thought maybe it was the angle of the picture but there was another one and...it was worse!! An eighteen year crush crushed in a matter of seconds. A terrible terrible loss. A horrific stain on my happy childhood memory.

My family's response:

Joe: Doesn't he live in Arizona?
Anthony: I thought he moved to California?
Dad: No, he's a chef in Boston. He's married and has a kid.
me: Well, I would hope so, cuz his chick picking-up time has surely passed.
Jill: If I remember correctly, wasn't he always kind of dirt bag-ish.
me: Don't say such things!
Anthony: Yeah, he was never really all that attractive.
me: Blasphemy!
mom: Wait, that's your terrible news? I thought maybe someone had died.
me: No, only a small part of my heart.