Lying to Make Friends

Well hello Monday. Where did you come from?

2009-11-16T14:50:00.000-08:00

My blog posting, like every other productive aspect of my life has fallen to the wayside lately. See I didn't have internet for a year which made posting very difficult. So when I got it again this past September I had high expectations for being a productive member of the online community yet again. But then Netflix Instant View happened and Hulu and well...yeah.

But apparently reruns of The Office are not a way to spend a life - or so some believe. So I'm back.

But not just here. I have plans to do things IRL as well. Just because TV is better than real life is no reason to turn my back on the real world, is it? Well, is it? I guess we'll find out. So I've got some plans. Goals, if you will. Some bigger - more long term. Some that maybe someone might not want me getting into on here. So we'll stick to the general and more attainable. So every week I'm going to make some goals for myself and post them here so that when I get home from work and Jim and Pam want to hang out I'll have a reason to pass. So here's this week's:

1. renew flickr account
2. print/purchase pics to be framed for living room wall
3. tailor/photo 5 of my to be etsy'd vintage items pile
4. begin christmas card process - list/addresses and find/purchase/design cards
5. bake enough so as not to waste any of the icing made last weekend
6. garden state fort date
7. fill out kitten adoption application

And, if I am successful in completing my tasks I will reward myself with a thrift store/record store excursion on Saturday. Yay. Oh, and in the future these will be posted on Sundays.

Oh, and I'm gonna post more here, too. That's gonna be like a constant unspoken goal each week. And here's my first little posting treat:

I am absolutely loving the color palate of Etsy's current home page. Want it all!!

I can't believe I forgot...

2009-04-17T13:14:00.000-07:00

Rather than say I forgot, I'm going to say that I was waiting to save the best for last. So here, a week late, the best dance sequence in a movie.

Try to argue otherwise. I dare you.

It's sing along time, yo.

2009-04-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

Today's topic? Karaoke songs, baby! Which is totally right up my alley thanks to Japas 27 and their party rooms. Cuz after enough all-you-can-drink wine and sake, I can do in the privacy of a room full of my friends what I could never do (no matter the amount of alcohol) in a public arena. Yay for karaoke. Below are my go-to karaoke picks. The key is to pick songs that everyone else in your group can't help but sing along with. This way you're not singing alone (gasp!).

No karaoke session is complete with out at least one Billy Joel and one NKOTB song. My faves are Piano Man and Cover Girl, although it's hard to sing as high as little Joey Mac. Hangin' Tough or Step By Step are usually a safer bet.

Santeria - Sublime

Basketcase - Green Day

I Want You to Want Me - Cheap Trick

All-time best karaoke ever? I present to you: my friend Ben.

**Please don't pissed friend. I'm just giving the public what they want.

It's about treehouses!!

2009-04-02T13:30:00.001-07:00

So today's Music Week Blog Party is Guilty Pleasures. The problem is, I don't feel guilty for liking any of these. They are so totally rad in every way. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

For some reason YouTube is not letting me embed any of these. Click the links for some awesomeness. I promise you will not be disappointed.

C'est La Vie- B*Witched

Bring it all back - S Club 7

Mmmbop - Hanson

Tonight - New Kids on the Block

Lucky - Britney Spears

Come on Over - Christina Aguilera

With You - Jessica Simpson

Status Quo - High School Musical

[I almost posted this with yesterday's post, but I definitely think it's more fitting here.]

**I'm hoping at least one of the two people who understand the title of this post are reading this. ken, friend, are you out there?

A little late to the party

2009-04-01T10:20:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to bust out of my blogging rut for a while. Today I stumbled upon Magchunk, Sweetie Pie Pumpkin Noodle, and You Are My Fave's Blog Music Party Week and figured that's just what I needed to get back to blogging regularly again. I've missed two days but will get to Monday's and Tuesday's topics eventually. In addition to being just the motivation I need to blog again, it's also an awesome way to stumble upon more really nifty blogs by checking out who else is in on the party. So enjoy my selections and then check out the rest of the party people. Oh and if you have a blog, come join the party!

Today's Blog Music Party topic is favorite songs from/used in movies. I went a little crazy. There's lots. Hope you enjoy! Comment if you disagree with any of my obviously awesome choices or think I forgot anything.

Invisible Circus "Hot Rod Lincoln"
I was briefly obsessed with this movie. This scene was one of my favorite.

A Lot Like Love "If you leave me now"
This move is totally underrated. I kind of hate Ashton Kutcher but he is so likable in this. And Amanda Peet is just awesome in everything she does.

Dirty Dancing "Time of My Life"
Upon recent viewing I'm absolutely loving the scenes with Baby's parents. First of all, RIP Jerry Orbach, he was an amazing actor. Second, I love when he jumps out of his seat after Johnny jumps off the stage. Hilarious! Thirdly, it is so very rad that Emily Gilmore was Baby's mom. Lady got moves. Lastly, when Johnny sings along and wrinkles up his nose as he dances with Baby (approx 4:12) = love.

Reality Bites "My Sharona"
Makes me want to chop off my hair. I can't watch this movie. Totally brilliant.

Almost Famous "Tiny Dancer"
Of course.

Breakfast at Tiffany's "Moon River"
Of course.

Garden State "New Slang"This was amazing once so it makes the list. Plus, Natalie Portman = love.

10 Things I Hate About You "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" This is sad now.

The Breakfast Club "We are not alone" Less for the song, more for the dancing.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off "Twist and Shout"Just pure awesomeness.

Rent "Seasons of Love"I can't lie. I used to be a Rent-head and I seriously shed a tear when I first saw this opening scene in the theater.

Empire Records "If You Want Blood" Honorable mentions: "Sugar High," "Say No More Mon Amour," closing scene dancing on the roof to "This is the Day," AJ and Corey making out to "'Til I Hear it From You"

Pippi Longstocking "Theme"Memories.

Elizabethtown - various songs This is from the scene after Orlando Bloom gets his "very special map" and listens to the mix tapes Kirsten Dunst has made. The below clip is a part of this scene. It's also dubbed over. It's all kind of hilarious.

Newsies "King of New York" Awesome. Also, Christian Bale = yum

I couldn't find clips for these but they should be included Say Anything "In Your Eyes" - iconic boombox scene; Igby Goes Down "The Weight" - with visual of Igby on the airplane at end of movie; Love Actually "Both Sides Now" - when Emma Thompson's character listens it to it after finding out Sirius Snape gave the necklace to some other chick. that scene gets me every time.

On a semi-related note, in trying to find clips on YouTube I stumbled upon my absolute favorite childhood movie "Wrinkles in Need of Cuddles." The entire movie is on YouTube. Below is the first third of the movie. I didn't include it with the above list because I couldn't pick one song out of all of this awesomeness. Seriously.

Spring is in the air...

2009-03-27T11:30:00.000-07:00

Or at least on your desktop...

In honor of the first day this spring where it's actually felt like spring, I present to you ten awesome spring themed desktop wallpapers created by the brilliant artists over at The Kindred.

Head on over there to springify your desktop immediately. I'm on a serious button kick so here's the desktop I chose to rock this spring:

Gentleman? More like Gentledouche.

2009-03-18T12:02:00.000-07:00

The Foggy Monocle is entertaining in an 'I'm so glad I met my friend Ben and no longer have to waste my time dealing with these kinds of douchtastic tools' sort of way. If you look past the fact that all of the conversations posted are real and the folks chatting actually exist, the conversations are occasionally amusing. Sad, but amusing.

There is, however, something particularly awesome about the posting below. Part of its awesomeness is the reminder that the majority of these frat boy cum investment banker dimwits are now unemployed. Mostly it's because I know exactly where this is all going down. Do my A-towners recognize the locale?

Pulled from here:

ShackledGman: how you feelin today?
ChevysChevalier: extremely bad
ShackledGman: me too…i just want more sleep
ChevysChevalier: my brain may be dead
ShackledGman: woops
ChevysChevalier: so much drinking …
ShackledGman: i rested yesterday
ChevysChevalier: I was going to
ChevysChevalier: but Swenson* and I were swapping out my car battery and decided to stop at Chevy’s, of all places, at like noon for some god forsaken reason
ChevysChevalier: Swenson* had never had a Pacifico
ShackledGman: i take it he liked it?
ChevysChevalier: so he tries one and, of course, deems it delicious
ChevysChevalier: and, given that we are both unemployed, we have 8 each
ChevysChevalier: until the Russian barmaid cuts us off because you are not allowed to have more than 8 drinks a person at a Chevy’s
ShackledGman: thats lame
ChevysChevalier: I can’t decide what is more depressing — that I learned what the cutoff limit is at Chevy’s, or that I wasn’t even remotely drunk after 8 beers
ChevysChevalier: So at this point Swenson* is all into the Pacifico
ShackledGman: it is delish!
ChevysChevalier: and we grab a 12 pack from teeter
ChevysChevalier: then we go back and put my battery back in
ChevysChevalier: by the time we stumbled through that, it is like 7pm and we are hungry
ChevysChevalier: so we decide we are gonna get $5 footlongs from Subway
ShackledGman: (I’ll now be singing that song all afternoon)
ChevysChevalier: but, on the way there, we see Jay’s and decide that it is a way better option because they have food, drinks and we can smoke indoors
ChevysChevalier: we were absolutely swilling pitchers and Wild Turkey shots and Swenson* was eyeballing some yuppie dudes
ShackledGman: uh oh, he make an ass out of himself?
ChevysChevalier: he was like, “I hate those yuppie fucks!”
ChevysChevalier: I had to remind him that they were dressed exactly as we would have been when we had jobs, which made him hate them even more for likely having jobs
ChevysChevalier: those guys were also with like 4 chicks the likes of which Jay’s had never seen
ChevysChevalier: thus further exacerbating Swenson’s* hatred
ShackledGman: they just had to rub the old, “we have jobs and make sex” in your face, didn’t they?
ChevysChevalier: Swenson* finally freaked out because one of the yuppies was “ice grilling” him — a term that I think he made up on the spot just so he could get in a fight — and we had to leave.
ChevysChevalier: A proud day for us and our families.
ChevysChevalier: also, we looked like homeless people by that time (circa midnight/1am-ish)
ShackledGman: Amazing. yall were a vision i’m sure
ChevysChevalier: if I had a job I would have had to call out today
ShackledGman: lucky for you, you do not have that problem

i wanna hug yo' face

2009-03-13T14:01:00.001-07:00

go see coraline. like now. also check out coraline.com. you won't regret it.

promise.

20 days to break a habit...

2009-03-12T13:30:00.001-07:00

I don't know where to start.

I'm going to be blogging more. But it's going to be different.

I've run out of good stories. I'm no longer working alone in a blind man's basement. No longer living with my crazy religious parents. No longer going on random dates with sketchy drunk russian guys.

I'm going to try and get better stories for you. I had one ready to go and I asked my non sketchy non drunk non russian friend ben to put together a corresponding image to post with my story. I figured this would make people forget that it wasn't really an interesting story at all. That was the plan. If you've met either Ben or myself then you know what happened. No picture, no story, sorry.

I've been saying sorry a lot recently. I want to stop. I want to stop having to say I'm sorry. I've been unhappy for a while. I want to stop all that. I'd like to stop working in advertising and living in Jersey City but that's not going to change at least for the next six months (the latter at least, who knows about the former). In the meantime, I'm going to focus my attention elsehwere. Here for one.

My friend Ben told me that it takes 20 days to break a habit. I believe him. April 1st is exactly 20 days from today. I've mentioned before that I don't like March. Mostly because it's a lie. It lies to you and makes you believe it's something it's not. I feel like I've become March. It's also a 31 day month with not a single closed work holiday. That means an extra long month of full five day work weeks.

But this March is going to be different. Every year March pushes me. It just pushes and pushes. This year, I'm fighting back. Watch out March, I'm coming for you!

I'm going to be posting on here a lot more. Some of my posts will be similar to previous posts. Some are going to be super duper random and maybe not make sense to anyone but me. I'm okay with that, I hope you are, too. Some of my stories will be about things that happened last month, last year, or even longer ago, when I actually had good stories to tell. Maybe by writing about them, I'll remember what makes a good story and I'll be more aware when a good story opportunity presents itself to me in the future.

During my not-so-brief blogging hiatus I was updating my tumblr truth and beauty bombs. You can check that out too if you want. Again, a lot of the stuff on there might make sense to no one but me, but a lot of its shiny and pretty so feel free to take a look around. A lot of the extra random stuff on there will probably eventually become a longer post explained on here so, you know, that's cool.

I guess I hope people read this. I mean, that's the point, right? I guess it doesn't really matter. I guess that's part of the habit. Caring if anyone's reading this. So maybe in 20 days it'll all be different. Maybe in 20 days it'll all be good again.

Someone call the ASPCA!

2009-02-06T13:12:00.000-08:00

This is some serious form of animal abuse. There have to be some sort of laws against this:

That dog right there is just begging for someone to put him out of his misery!

New Jersey: We Make New York Smell Better

2009-02-06T08:28:00.000-08:00

I love New Jersey. I make fun of it on occasion, I admit it. But I live here, so I can. I talk about moving, pretty much all the time. But not so I can live in New York City. I talk about moving somewhere warm and pretty. I want to live in Hawaii or Stars Hollow. I don't see what the big deal is of living in the "City." (I'm so going to get beat up on my way home from work tonight for this, I know it). But honestly, if Whitney Port's portrayal is at all accurate (which it is most definitely not), then I see no big draw. Seriously. It's expensive, it's cold, and it smells.

I know, I know. I drive on the NJ Turnpike through Newark often enough to know that saying NYC smells is being not even a little hypocritical. But the rest of NJ...is pretty much the explanation for the name the "Garden State." Get away from North Jersey and even some of the suburbs of Central Jersey, check out the Jersey Shore, Princeton, Cape May, and north north Jersey (the north Jersey that's not near NYC) and you'll be amazed at the beauty of this state.

I was with my friend Ben on his first trip to NJ. I took him to Princeton through the back roads of Cranbury and Grovers Mill. He was amazed that this was the same state that he always associated with the opening scenes of The Sopranos.

"It's not dirty! It doesn't smell! You guys don't talk funny! Where am I???"

Unfortunately, when my friend Ben actually moved to NJ, he moved to the exact location he imagined all those times he made fun of our fine state. C'est la vie.

My point is that NJ gets a bum rap. And I'm sick of it. Leave NJ alone! If for no other reason, then because it's an easy joke. Be creative. Make fun of a more deserving location. Have you ever been to Nebraska? Come on! That place is much more disturbing than NJ! I think you're all jealous personally. We have White Castle and Wawa and we don't pump our own gas! We know what we're doing man! NJ does it right!

Want proof?

Aromatic Mystery in New York City Is Solved

That's right. We made New York smell better! Not that we don't do that every day with the hundreds of thousands of commuters that come over on the PATH, ferry, or NJ Transit. My favorite part of the article? The following quote:

“New Yorkers smell a little smell and they’re getting all paranoid,” said Jay Beqej, 33, who works at the Fairview Public Works warehouse.

Haha! Stupid New Yorkers!

Why the hostility you ask? Why am I reducing myself to their level (them being those that needlessly mock New Jersey)? Because last I checked E. Hanover, Edison, Mt. Olive, Ramsey, Wayne, Princeton, and Mt. Laurel were all in New Jersey. We're not talking on the border of, or right across the river, we're talking very much WITHIN the state of New Jersey and yet f'in Macaroni Grill denies New Jersey even exists!

I can take the easy cracks at the "armpit of the country." I can laugh it off. I can smirk at Comedy Central's new subway ads that thank the many funny things in this world that give that channel its programming, which lists along with George W. and mullets, the state of New Jersey. But there's only so much a girl can take. And denying the state I was born and raised in even exists? Denying my home even has a name?

I'm sorry, but that's where I draw the line.

Edited to note: I decided to search further to see if maybe they are only suggesting that these locations are near NY and PA, but are in fact in NJ. So I searched locations within NY, thinking if they maybe had a NYC location they would list it under NJ, but no, they have two locations with the subheads being Albany and Rochester. So what I now can't figure out are whether they are suggesting that NJ doesn't exist and these locations are in NY and PA, or that Philadelphia and New York don't exist and are merely subdivisions of New Jersey, like Albany and Rochester are for the state of New York. In which case Macaroni Grill is arguing that New Jersey is so great that it encompasses all of the great cities in its surrounding areas. So either suck it Macaroni Grill, or rock on!

bookshelf spectrum, revisited

2008-12-19T08:45:00.001-08:00

bookshelf spectrum, revisited
Originally uploaded by chotda

Found this on Flickr and am completely inspired by it. I'm not really a big house person. Always saw myself living in a tiny space - apartment, shack (sorry, was playing MASH recently) but if I were to live in a larger space, I would want a library and I would it to look just like this. Amazing.

Cruel is...

2008-10-07T14:46:00.000-07:00

the radio station I wake up to in the morning giving away billy joel tickets to the 25th caller...

and me without a cell phone.

the bruises were fist kisses

2008-09-24T15:19:00.000-07:00

spending time together is easy when you spend so much time apart. i gave up my freedom but i gained a second heart.

second heart is all i need this fall cuz you know i need someone to sing me to sleep.

making good decisions is easy when you haven't got a choice. telephone turn on sunshine when it sends you the right voice.

hello to the angry phone bill. they charge for my whole life. wise man, he once told me, cut the cord with a kitchen knife.

kitchen knife is all i need this fall cuz you know i need someone to sing me to

...zzz...

credit where credit is due.
"the bruises were fist kisses" accredited to Ben White
photos by alex johnson
lyrics - "Coupla Easy Things" Bishop Allen

i brought you this

2008-09-24T14:50:00.000-07:00

marysol foucault
wheat toast

go there. seriously. for the following reasons.

max key

miranda lehman

sarah k. meadows

hanne piasecki

bryan schutmaat

lina scheynius

fae young scherling

need another reason? fine, one more.

Even the Canadian thinks this is messed up!

2008-09-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

I apaprently started writing about this on May 23 so you know like a really long time ago but never posted it. It's funny so I'm posting it now. Enjoy!

So check it, about a month ago I hung out with my brother and his Canadian. And we're telling him all sorts of crazy family stories and we're like seriously, totally blowing this guy's mind and his mind being blown by situations that I, at this point, think of as normal totally blows my mind. So this is just a few days after my mom totally hung up on me so I tell him the story. The entire time he thinks I'm on the phone with my sister because the story prior was about my sister so he's all like, whoa, that's kinda messed up and I'm like dude, I know, my mom like totally hung up on me. And he's like Holy crap! Your mom hung up on you? That's like seriously messed up. Whoah!! Like Whoah!!! Eh. (Cuz he's Canadian).

But now when I tell this story some people like to focus on the wrong part of the story. Some people like to focus on the reason I called my mom. That's not important. I ask you, my dear reader, not to focus on my inability to function on my own, and to focus on the fact that my mom hung up on me! Okay, here goes:

So one Friday night, about a month ago, around 11:30pm, I called my mom. I called because I wanted to get her opinion on whether or not my milk was still good. Let me explain, see I got this new milk, this all-organic natural milk and the carton claimed it was good until May 15. This happened around April 15th so I thought maybe it was a typo cuz since when does milk stay good for a full month! But I thought, maybe this is special milk and maybe all-organic natural milk stays good for an absurdly long time. The milk didn't smell particularly bad but I'm not a good judge at those sort of things so I wanted back up. Now as I was on the phone with my mom I read another part of the carton that said that the milk was best when used within five days of opening and it had been a week so I realized that the milk probably wasn't okay but before that I wasn't sure. Okay? Get over it.

So I call my mom and she answers and I pose the milk dilemma to her. She tells me to smell the milk. To taste it. See for myself if it's sour. I inform her that I can't tell, thus why I called her for reassurance. There's a pause and she asks how she should know if my milk is good or not. I ask her if she was sleeping because her responses are a little slow and she assures me she wasn't. She asks me if I'm coming home on Saturday and I tell her that I am. I ask again about the milk and she again tells me she can't help me. We chat about nothing. She's still slow with her responses. She asks again if I'm coming home on Saturday and I inform her that my answer hasn't changed in the last two minutes so yes I will be home. I inform her that the milk isn't chunky or anything, so maybe it's okay to drink? There's a pause and she responds that she doesn't care whether I drink the sour milk or not. I wonder what I did to piss her off. I wonder what I said. She asks yet again if I'll be home on Saturday and I answer again that I will. I wonder what I'm forgetting about Saturday that it's this huge deal. I go to ask her but then...she hangs up! She just hangs up on me! My own mother!!

All night I'm worrying about what I said, what I did, what the heck next Saturday is! So the next morning I give her a call back. She's in a much more pleasant mood. I ask her about the phone call last night and she laughs. She hangs up on me and then she laughs about it! The nerve!!! She says she woke up this morning and vaguely remembers talking to me and telling me that she didn't care whether or not I drank the sour milk and she said she felt really bad about that. She doesn't even remember hanging up on me. Seriously. No love!

I don't know. I think there was more to this story but since I started writing this in May and it actually happened in April - well I just can't remember. I still think it's funny though. Cuz my mom hung up on me. Ha.

I've got a bike. You can ride it if you like. It's got a basket, a bell that rings, and things to make it look good.

2008-09-02T11:25:00.000-07:00

I was twelve. Anthony was in his first year of college so he couldn't go. It was my dad's annual union picnic. We hated these things but we went every year for my dad. He was in his element there. We just stood around awkwardly. It was better together, but it was just me and it was no fun.

There was a pool but it was crowded. There was food and games but I was too young or old to enjoy most of it. There were raffles. Things no one needed or wanted. Except the bike. I wanted a bike. I was going to wait until Christmas - that was the bike holiday. Kids didn't just get bikes on any random day. Birthdays and Christmas and it was summer so I had some time to wait. But there was one there. At this picnic I didn't want to be at. My dad could tell I wasn't having fun no matter how hard I tried to pretend. He appreciated my attempt and he bought a raffle. "You're getting a bike today," he told me. I wanted to believe him but didn't want to be too disappointed if I didn't win. The day dragged on. My dad was having a good time and I tried to stay out of the way. It was the last union picnic we would go to. The year before Anthony was there and he kept me entertained. His being there also meant my dad could drink because Anthony could drive home. This year, it was just me and my dad and it wasn't the same for either of us. We stayed until the raffles were pulled. I didn't win. I wasn't too disappointed. I was just ready to go home. I would wait until Christmas.

As we drove I put the day behind me, the crowded pool, the picnic food, and the bike. Driving down rt. 18 I didn't realize where we were going until after we pulled into the parking lot of the bike shop. "I told you you were getting a bike today," my dad said as he got out of the truck.

It was a deep purple Trek bike and it was perfect.

The point is, someone stole my bike. I'm going to beat them up if I find them. I hope it wasn't you.

Who needs a house out in Hackensack?

2008-08-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

I have to move. I don't want to. I went to look at a place the other night with JM. Despite being only a block from where I live now, the area was surprisingly super sketchy. Despite being only about $200 less than what we now pay for a three bedroom apartment with a full living room and fairly nice sized kitchen, this place was two bedrooms, each the size of one of my closets currently, and a kinda kitchen space/room. And it was dirty and sketchy and gross and I would never live there.

And everything I find on Craig's List is either super expensive or a scam so I've narrowed my options to:

1. moving back in with my parent's (ha)
2. moving in with anthony and jill in montpelier (i would totally actually do this if it didn't mean that two very important people in my life would pretty much never talk to me again if i did)
3. quitting my job, selling all my belongings and moving to peru (or beirut)

So I called my parents to get their thoughts on my options. My dad's suggestions (I'm not making these up!!):

1. JM moving into my current room with me. Get bunk beds.
2. move in with a recently married friend of the family who just bought a house in monroe

Any guesses to the final - and absolutely serious - solution from my parents...

Yup that's right....
3. Pray about it! Give it up to God!

When I end up homeless in a month, you'll know who to blame.

Everyone's disguised just a little bit.

2008-07-31T21:11:00.000-07:00

I bought the dress for $15 at that vintage store in Montpelier.

I tried it on and it fit perfectly. I was amazed. Home-made. 1950's. It was clear it wasn't just a 1950's style but actually from the 50's. Otherwies the sleeves would have been shortened. The hem above the knee, not below. Stitches were stretching. Buttons fell off long ago.

"Be careful when you wash this," she said with a smile when she handed me the bag.

I held up the dress outside to show Jill. She gave a look that made it clear she was following the if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all rule. I folded the dress back up and placed it in the bag. I didn't care. The dress was mine.

I wore the dress today. It seemed an odd choice. For Wolf Parade. I wore the dress today.

At work, everyone smiled and said nice things. For the first time in a month she spoke to me. "French schoolgirl. Gorgeous dress!"

We went to the show. I felt out of place but didn't care. Alex and I made our way to the front and waited. We danced in place. Happy to be just out of way for the more aggressive fans.

"Just be careful guys. With the 'moshing.' Just be respectful and try to be nice." Spencer said. "I mean that wasn't even a fast song."

The $7 beer hit me fast - my bladder anyway. I pushed my way to the back, behind the bar, to the bathroom. Crowds of people. Standing. Listening. Some pushing forward to get to the bar, me in the opposite direction. Two guys push forward. The second texts away. Gawd, pay attention where you're going guy, I think. He looks up and stares me down. Do I know you, I wonder. Because seriously dude, wtf? He stares me down some more as I push through.

I make my way back to Alex. Fists pump in the air and we sing along. You know I'll believe in anything and you'll believe in anything because nobody knows you and nobody gives a damn either way.

We walk back to Columbus Circle and part ways. I take the D to Herald Square and take the stairs to the PATH. A train sits waiting. It's 11:07 and the train doesn't list a destination. Everyone boards. I assume, it being past 11 and with no one waiting on the platform that the train will make all stops. After 14th street I realize some people are left on the platform after the doors close. At 9th I wonder if maybe this is just a Hoboken train. At Christopher I debate getting up to check but don't move. At Hoboken I follow the crowd out. There are two trains sitting. I board the 33rd street train with everyone else. Frustrated to have to return to Christopher Street to get back to Jersey. Realizing that at that point the trains will only be running the late night schedule and I'll be right back in that spot in another twenty minutes. I sit and wait. As the doors are about to close on the empty train across the platform I realize it is the WTC train, making a stop at Pavonia Newport. I quickly exit the train and make my way across the platform. I get on the train just as the door closes behind me. I realize as I sit that the train isn't as empty as I thought.

His jeans are ripped and I feel him watching me as I sit down. I go back to reading my book.

"This train goes to Connecticut, right?" Even from across the car I can see that he has a good smile.

"Eventually." I didn't know what to say. I smile hoping he didn't hear my failed attempt at a joke. I focus back on my book.

I realize he's moved to the seat across from me before I even look up. Upon closer inspection I realize his eyes are just as good as his smile. He's young but not too young. Teen Beat cute but with just the right amount of roughness around the edges.

"Going to New York?" He has a nice voice.

I shake my head. "Jersey."

"From Jersey to Jersey?"

"No New York to Jersey. Wrong train. Long story."

He asks where I work. Where I live. Where he lives. We exchange vague locations. New York. Jersey City. New York. He was coming from Hoboken. Fun, he says. Sure, I say.

"I like your dress."

"Thanks," I smile.

"You have a really nice smile."

"Thanks," my smile bigger.

"Do you have a boyfriend."

"Yeah, I do." my smile biggest.

I think of the times I've lied to that question. Easier to lie than to explain to a complete stranger that my lack of a boyfriend is not an open invitation. I wonder if I would've lied to him.

"Does he live with you?" A look as if he realizes that it's a strange question to ask just a little too late.

"Nope. He lives in Virginia."

"That's no good."

I shake my head, "no good at all."

"Why does your boyfriend live in Virginia?"

"That's a really good question," I admit.

"Have you ever asked yourself that question?" his smile doesn't fade.

"All the time," neither does mine.

We pull into the station.

"This is my stop," I nod towards the exit. "Good luck getting to New York."

"Good luck with your boyfriend."

I smile to myself as I cross the platform and wait for the Journal Square train. Wolf Parade plays in my head, wishing that I had cell service underground. I wonder if it'll be too late to call by the time I get to Journal Square.

I think about the boy in Virginia. The one who thinks I have a nice smile. The one who would think I looked pretty in this dress. Because this heart's on fire and it's getting better all the time. I think about him and I smile.

Good luck, Goodbye. Thanks, Boss.

2008-07-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure my stance on romance can be pretty easily summed up by my opinion that Bruce Springsteen's Thunder Road is one of the best love songs ever written if only for the lyric: You ain't a beauty but hey you're alright/Oh and that's alright with me. which is pretty much the sweetest thing ever. Followed closely by the lyrics of Billy Joel's Just the Way Your Are which essentially, if you think about it, says the same thing.

Explains a lot really.

If you're under the impression that I'm alright...

2008-06-24T19:53:00.000-07:00

i wanted to post some cuz it's been some time and all. but tonight i worked crazy late. and now i'm just wasting time playlist-ing and magazine perusing and i can't seem to hold on to a thought long enough to actually put pen to paper so to speak so this is all i gots for now, other people much better at life than me:

the ones we love.
i need help.
american teen trailer.

I'm going to Hawaii.

2008-05-27T09:00:00.001-07:00

I'm going to Hawaii.

I booked my flight last night.

I'm going to Hawaii.

I'm not going till January 14, 2009, but I'm still going to Hawaii.

And all last night and all this morning, in my head, it's all, i'mgoingtohawaiii'mgoingtohawaiii'mgoingtohawaii!!!!!!!!!

And for the next seven months it's going to be i'mgoingtohawaiii'mgoingtohawaiii'mgoingtohawaiii'mgoingtohawaii!!!!!!!!!

So you and I might be in a deep philosophical discussion about the meaning of life and Barak Obama and rising gas prices and global warming and globalization, but in my head it'll be all like i'mgoingtohawaiii'mgoingtohawaiii'mgoingtohawaii!!!!!!

And you're not.

(unless you want to. come with me. cheap flights. book now!)

the heart boner post reminded me...

2008-05-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

There are lots of things I've done in my life that I'm proud of. Some of the highlights:

- not only passing my history class senior year and being allowed to graduate, but actually receiving a completely undeserved B. awesome!
- writing my 50 page senior paper in three days - while studying for my other finals and completing my journalism II journal - and receiving an A+ on it and being asked - out of all undergrad fashion merch majors - to present it at some undergrad symposium forum thingee.
- getting that award thingee (i don't remember the name of it) that was awarded to one student from each department by a faculty that less than a year earlier probably didn't even know i was in their department.
- being editor in chief of the banner.
- the series of events that took place at the 50 days party.
- eventually moving out of my parent's house (although apparently some people believe that despite the fact that i now live 45 miles away from my parents and am very rarely ever in monroe, that essentially i still live there)
- going four months (and counting) without cutting my hair!
- keeping phish alive, not only longer than all his fishy friends thus proving all those that voted my fish the fish to die first wrong, but keeping a freakin' goldfish alive for two freakin' years!
- beating anthony and craig at bowling.

out of all those awesome accomplishments, the one i may be most proud of...

completing (and surviving) my three nights, three cities, three shows weekend!

friday night: lionely neykov - brooklyn
saturday night: georgie james - washington, d.c.
sunday night: handsome furs - nyc

awesome shows. awesome weekend. awesome me. yay.

this song is about boners...in your heart.

2008-05-23T08:14:00.000-07:00

i wrote this on April 7th, the morning after the handsome furs show. i don't know why i didn't post it then. i think i was going to attach the video i took at the show. i'm posting it now. maybe in another month i'll post the video?

heart boner. last night. handsome furs. bowery. fucking awesome.

that's all.

the verdict is still out on the perfect storm though. what the fuck was that? google is no help. well it was either ridiculously brilliant or just ridiculous. thoughts?

oh and i'm here to set the record straight, internet: dan boeckner did not attend columbia.

This is how I went crazy. Slowly and then quickly.

2008-05-20T13:40:00.000-07:00

I was up late already last night. I got distracted by the past and didn't want to sleep. I was thinking about London. I was reading Sylvia Plath in my bed and listening to my Itunes. It was almost 2am.

I turned off my computer and put the book away. Turned off the light and put head to pillow ready to sleep. And then I heard a sound. Something vibrating. I thought maybe I had gotten a text message but my phone usually beeps along with vibrating when I get a message. Also the sound was muffled and my phone was right there on my night stand. I checked, no messages. I ignored it.

A minute later, and another vibration. I tried to think of what could possibly be making this noise and realized that, besides my silent phone, there was nothing. I ignored it and tried to sleep.

I wake up thinking it's morning. I swore my alarm had woken me up but when I look at the clock I realize it's only 2:40 and I had barely been asleep an hour. It was that sound that had woken me. That almost silent vibrating sound. I looked around trying to find the source - nothing. I got out of bed trying to see where the sound was loudest but there was no change in volume. I thought maybe it was an alarm of some kind going off but there was inconsistency to the vibrations. A minute apart and then a few minutes of silence and then three within thirty seconds. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep but I couldn't. Every time my eyes closed it went off again and I would be awake. Loud car alarms I could sleep through but this damn near-silent vibration had me wide awake - and thoroughly pissed off. Past 3am at this point, I start getting paranoid. I start imagining scary movies where you realize that the killers under the bed after his cell phone goes off and the idiot victim is all "OMG - He's in the house!!" Luckily, I have so much crap crammed under my bed there's no room for B-movie villians but I check anyway. I look in the closets in the living room adjoining my room. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. And again the bzzzz of the phantom vibrations. By 4am I'm in tears. I just want to sleep. I just want to know what the f*** is making this sound. So I can destroy it. Crush it. Kill it. And then sleep. Peaceful sleep.

By 5, I think I've lost my mind. Maybe the sound is only in my head. Maybe it's the ghost of cell phones past. I think about sleeping on the living room couch but you can still hear it in there. I pull apart my room. Take my bed apart.

At 5:30am I give up. I put on my ipod earphones. Blast some Counting Crows and crash.

Two hours later my actual alarm goes off. I feel horrible and still a little crazy. I call into the office, opting for half a sick day. After I hang up the phone, I get back in bed, and I realize....silence. It's gone. Whatever it was, it's gone. And I sleep.

Tonight I'm sleeping at Alex's. If I hear it again when I'm back at my apartment tomorrow night, I may have to move. If I hear it again tonight at Alex's, I don't know what I'll do.

I am 32 flavors and then some...

2008-04-28T09:44:00.000-07:00

But if you're looking for a little vanilla - check it.

In completely and totally unrelated news (like not even a little bit related), I was totally going to post all sorts of awesomeness last night. Like about how Zooey Deschannel is my new bff, how I'm engaged and getting free meals, how bat shit crazy my family really is, how my mom hung up on me, how Mickey Dolenz and NKOTB are totally making my life right now, how sad Vampire Weekend and babies make me, how I'm thrilled and at the same time totally sad to be Tickles-less, how awesome sml cookies test run went, how I'm the star master, how I'm now a part of the Sara Kendall Trio - which actually really truly exists, how I'm embracing my complete nerdom and posting comic con pics, how the cat litter all over my floor makes me sad, how swallowing a bug only makes the top five list of gross things that happened to me last week, how much awesomer fantasy and lies are compared to reality, how gene chandler's gots moves, how much i love warm clothes weather, how much i detest being at the whim of people with cars, how much i love being car-less, how self-involved i really truly am, how i'm not a cat person, dog person, or people person and will surely die alone, but how being engaged fixes that problem, how i'm going to make my fiance clean up after me, cuz why else would you get engaged? how much i really want to watch newsies and dazed and confused right now and wish that a) i wasn't at work and b) i had a vcr or b) wish i had those movies on dvd cuz who even has vhs's anymore, and yes, all of this is really totally going on in my head right now and aren't you concerned for me??

but...i got distracted.

oops. sorry. try again later.

We Remember. 04.16.07

2008-04-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

Remember. Honor. Act.

I'm obviously never getting on an elevator again.

2008-04-14T08:35:00.001-07:00

well i thought about the army...

2008-04-11T20:55:00.000-07:00

but dad said son you're fucking high.

so instead i decided to open a cookie bakery.

it would be called sml cookies.

cuz we'd sell small/medium/large cookies.

and cuz sara mennona loves cookies.

there's a logo and everything.

but i'm not allowed to show it to you.

cuz someone asked me not to.

and normally i wouldn't care and i'd post it anyway.

but i'm being nice today.

check back tomorrow.

also cuz it's on my computer at work.

and i'm at home.

and we'd have chocolate chip cookies.

but also like crazy chocolate, mint, peanut butter, sure to give you diabetes cookies.

that tasted like rainbows.

and love.

and people would come from far away.

like maine.

for my cookies.

and i'd be all cool working at my cookie bakery.

like maggie gyllenhaal.

and maybe i'd marry peter sarsgaard.

and we'd have a kid.

except without the having a kid thing.

and we'd start a club for people with double a's in their names.

and we'd serve sml cookies at all the club meetings.

and life would be good.

"son," she said. "have i got a little story for you..."

2008-04-11T15:58:00.000-07:00

so pearl jam and ted leo and the pharmacists are playing the garden in june and while i think it'd be a cool show to see, here are my concerns:

1. madison square garden? both pearl jam and ted leo belong in a small venue or club. ted can't handle the garden and while pearl jam probably can, it's not gonna be pretty. put 'em in bowery or williamsburg and then you'd have a show to see.

2. $77? for serious?

3. pearl jam and ted leo? i <3 me some ted leo and i've got nothing against eddie but i just can't see them sharing a stage.

plus i'd be going mostly to see ted leo and he's pretty solid with closing out the free summer shows at mccarren park pool. which if you're following solves all three problems as it's not at the garden. it's not $77. and it's not with eddie vedder. is all i'm saying.

This is late, but then so were they.

2008-04-10T14:08:00.000-07:00

april fools day. all day I was waiting for something from my brother. He's a prankster. Nothing.

April 2nd I get an email from Brother's Car Impoundment Unit with subject line: Your Car Reg. No. A102452110032 is ready for collection. The email informed me that at 9:35 that morning my car had been removed from my parent's address (where my car has been residing) for being illegally parked. The towaway was apparently authorized by Section 34.2 of 1999 Parking Regulations (SI 876). This email was followed by Alan Grohert with a subject line: Assistance with the ___ Account (an account I work on). Did I not mention that these were coming to my work email address? Alan wanted to inform me that my Account Director (her name was included in the email) asked him to contact me to work on a project. The email included the following P.S.: I'm actually naked in the office at the moment as everyone else is currently in a meeting. It's a great feeling of freedom. I'd recommend it to anyone. Throughout the day I received 14 more emails. One from a good friend asking me where I was the night before as she had waited for over an hour for me to arrive. One was to confirm a training day for "Elementary Telephone Skills" that my manager had apparently signed me up for since I have an "appalling telephone manner." Another from an assistant producer at an Adult Productions company informing me that a friend of mine (his name was included in the email) having appeared in a number of their DVD's including "Confessions of a Doofus" and "Wayne's Donkey" had suggested they contact me as I might have the right "assets" (and yes assets was in quotes in the email) to work within the growing adult entertainment business. A favorite of mine was from the head of my company discussing inappropriate activities in the work environment. It was a reminder that all employees have a duty to "uphold a basic standard of decency" in the office. So yeah, "In future, anyone found masturbating on the premises will face instant dismissal." There was an email from a high school crush. My order from Lucky Leo's Used Sex Toy's had been "despatched." Annonymous wrote me an ode to his llama: I will hug them, squish them, and love them forever... My clinic results were in and I have finally tested negative.

And my favorite:
Again from the owner of the company where I work. I have taken out all references to his name and the company name but they were all in the actual email.

Subject line: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:Hey shit face.

Alright, that's enough, Sara. I can take a joke like anyone else, but you've now overstepped the mark and I am now obliged to start disciplinary proceedings against you. Using the email system for offensive and crude messaging is a clear breach of _______'s work policy.

This email constitutes a first written warning as set out in the terms and conditions of employment at _______. Any further infringements will lead to a second and final warning. Please note that your employment records will now be updated to incorporate this official reprimand.

______
_______

-----------------------------------------------------
>From: smennona@
>Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re:Hey shit face
>Date: 30 Mar, 2008 13:42
>To:
>
>Up your ass, dick head.
>
-----------------------------------------------------
>From:
>Subject: Re: Re: Re:Hey shit face
>Date: 30 Mar, 2008 13:42
>To:
>
>Come on, this is sounding a bit like you mean
>it. Just stop now before I take it seriously.
>
-----------------------------------------------------
>From:
>Subject: Re: Re:Hey shit face
>Date: 30 Mar, 2008 13:42
>To:
>
>No really, you are a shitface
>
-----------------------------------------------------
>From:
>Subject: Re:Hey shit face
>Date: 30 Mar, 2008 13:42
>To:
>
>Very funny Sara... have you been drinking *lol*
>
-----------------------------------------------------
>From:
>Subject: Hey shit face
>Date: 30 Mar, 2008 13:42
>To:
>
>Dear ______,
>
>I see your face looks like shit again!

while i'm stuck in my head i'm not getting anywhere

2008-04-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

yesterday i had the following three things stuck in my head. nothing triggered them. they just appeared. and all day i kept repeating them. trying to remember where they were from. i was driving so i couldn't google it. eventually i figured out one of them. and googled the other two once i got home. one was this random line hallie lowenthal gives to graham on my so-called life about how "every conversation i have with you feels like the first one. i can't make any damn headway." i'm going to leave the other quote unattributed. points for you if you figure it out. or you can search it on imdb. the song i had stuck in my head was paul brill. i'm posting the video for the song. i had the song stuck in my head for days even before watching this brilliant video. now it's never going to go away.

"He's so cheesy I can't watch him without crackers."

come and sing it now...

2008-04-07T13:15:00.000-07:00

I don't really know what to say about this but I felt inclined to post it so without further ado:

I could start an 'emails from my brother' blog.

2008-03-18T10:26:00.000-07:00

I received this from Joe this morning:

HOLY COW (or should it be holy Llama?)! My dreams have come true - now if only I can get Kristi to stop on her way home and pick up my new pet, my life will be complete!
I will hold it and hug it and squish it forever and ever!

someone should have told me...

2008-03-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

about spring skiing.

i've been trying to plan one last trip up to vermont for some snowboarding before it gets too warm out. my sister wanted to go but we couldn't find a weekend that worked for both of us so we gave up. then i get an email from my brother telling me i should just come up on my own and that it would have to be in the next four weeks for them to be there and the mountain to still be open. turns out i'm free the last weekend of march so i start looking into the possibilty. i call my brother tonight to discuss plane vs. train dilemma and i inquire if it would still be cold enough for boarding and he says it would be spring skiing and i ask what's that.

this is the description he gave: basically it's 50 or 60 degress and you're boarding in a long-sleeve t-shirt and the snow is pretty soft and you're getting a tan as you're boarding.

and i'm wondering why no one has ever told me about this spring skiing thing and why i'm wasting my time being up there in january in negative 40 weather freezing my ass off and being miserable and falling on ice when i could've just waited for spring skiing. dude best idea ever!

so now the plane vs. train dilemma. either way i'm missing the same amount of time at work.

train is a little under $100. pros: penn station is super easy to get to. it's cheaper. probably a pretty cool trip - scenery-wise. good for the environment cons: 16-hour trip to be up there for one night.

i found a flight for $145 pros: much more time in vermont. cons: la guardia is annoying as hell to get to and pretty much the worst in the nation in terms of delays and canceled flights and such. slightly more expensive.

i hate making decisions. make it for me?

he was asking for it.

2008-03-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

my brother can't tell me this story and not expect it to end up in my blog. for serious.

i thought ken had started it. she was the one who told me. years ago actually. she said your brother looks like a turtle. she didn't say it mean. she just said it as fact. and it was true.

then i'm in the museum of natural history with my brother and jill and there's this turtle and jill makes anthony stand near it to take a picture. i think i must have told her about ken's remark. but i hadn't. apparently she's been telling anthony that he looks like a turtle for years. i mean it's pretty obvious i guess.

take a look for yourself:

so i'm talking to anthony tonight and he tells me how he was at the doctor and she was telling him he has some back issues or something with his posture and stuff and she says part of it's the posture but that part of it is that his head just kind of sticks out from his head weird or something and he laughs and says that his sister always told him he looked like a turtle and that must be why. so he goes home and tells jill this and she says no i think you just look like turtle. although that probably doesn't help things.

redecorating.

2008-03-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

i like to redecorate my apartment. in my mind. i like to create these really awesome spaces that don't actually exist. in reality when my friend first saw my room in my new apartment she remarked that it looked exactly like my room at my parent's, just moved 45 miles north. and in reality i don't have much control over the interior decoration of a lot of the rooms in my apartment since i share it with two other girls. so i redecorate it in my mind. i fill all the rooms of my apartment with wicked cool environmentally-conscious hand-made furniture that i could never afford or fit in my tiny apartment. i even redecorate the views from my windows in my apartment. instead of looking out onto a highway i can see the nyc skyline (except from the opposite direction of what i could see now if i could see the skyline from my window because in my mind i live in brooklyn) or palm trees and bridges (cuz sometimes in my mind i live in venice beach).

also in my mind. i'd totally decorate my kitchen around this silk-screen poster over at the small stakes:

wouldn't you want to live inside my head?

the set up.

2008-03-10T09:08:00.000-07:00

my aunt is having work done on her house. she decides she wants to set me up with one of the guys doing the work. she asks me if 33 is too old for me. she brings me to the house to "meet" this guy which consists of the quickest of hello's ever. she asks if she can give him my number if he asks for it. i figure this guy isn't going to ask for my number after a two second meet n' greet. he does. he calls. we talk for approximately two seconds during which he asks if i like to drink and if i'd like to go to a beer fest in atlantic city. i agree to go cuz i'm not quick on my feet. in all honesty i'm good with beer, i hate atlantic city. also, a road trip to atlantic city with some guy i don't know = weirdest first date ever. but i figure it'll make for a good story so whatev.

then the regret sets in. not just because i've now committed to going to a beer fest in atlantic city with some 33-year-old named brian that i don't know who still lives with his parents (did i not mention that? yikes!), but more importantly, because my family knows him! so my aunt starts calling daily asking if brian has called yet. if we've made plans. when are we hanging out? then i go home for the weekend and i'm having dinner with my *almost* entire family and gigi starts bringing up this guy and asking all sorts of questions and then my mom gets in on it and i try to leave the table but i'm sitting in the back and no one will get up to let me out because they like to watch me suffer. and then i'm going bowling and my aunt asks if brian is going bowling. and i think she means my brother's friend brian since my brother was also going and his friend lives near the bowling alley and i say that i'm not sure. and then i realize she means brian brian and i think gross and i try to leave. but before i do i mention the billy joel tickets i got that morning and my mother says 'maybe brian would like to go to billy joel.' because yeah i'm going to waste a billy joel ticket on some guy i don't know. are you f'in kidding me!! so i go bowling and after bowling my aunt asks who came bowling and i tell her and i say brian and my aunt gets all excited and i wonder why she cares that much that mike's brother brian came bowling and then i realize she thinks brian came bowling and it makes my head almost explode.

and then nothing.

nothing from my mom. nothing from my aunt. and nothing from brian. the weekend i was supposed to be at the beer fest? nothing.

and i'm happy if not confused.

but then yesterday my aunt calls me. she asks about brian. i inform her he never called me back and that i'm okay with that and to just drop it. she informs me that she has also learned that he doesn't drive. doesn't even have his license. how i, someone living in jersey city without a car, was supposed to date someone not living in jersey city without a license is beyond me. but she continues. she informs me that there's a new guy working on the house. he's in his 30's. divorced. a teacher. and he wants her to set him up with me. i inquire why all these men working on my aunt's house want to be set up with me, someone they don't know at all. she says she shows them my picture. i inquire which picture. i think i must look pretty hot in this picture. she says the picture from the ski trip. the ski trip? i ask. the youth group ski trip? from high school? this guy wants to be set up with me based on a picture from when i'm 17!!!

she says she also shows them the picture of me with my cousins. in which i'm 19. which i guess is okay. cuz i'm legal?

If it's not a race then what's the point?

2008-03-07T07:59:00.003-08:00

My brother = super athletic guy.

My brother also owns super pants but that's a different story for a different day.

My brother's activity of choice is biking. He's hardcore. I'd give you examples but I don't feel like it.

My brother also runs but not like he bikes. So we ran this race together back in the fall and my brother did alright. He didn't come in first or anything but his time was still really good.

So I say to him, if this were a bike race, he'd probably be up there with the first people to finish. He'd probably come in first, right? And he responds that when he participates in these group biking activites (also known as races) that it's not a race and he's not out to beat anyone else. And I respond that I understand that but if it were a race you would be considered the winner, correct? And he says, again, that it's not like that. He bikes for himself and not to beat anyone else. And I ask again, this time trying a different tactic, that if he were biking with a group of people, not in any way a race setting, but just biking to bike that due to his speed and the speed of the other bikers he would probably finish before the other bikers were to finish. Not because he was trying to beat them but just because he was faster.

My brother just looked at me funny and walked away.

Running Man

2008-03-07T07:59:00.002-08:00

I have a love/hate relationship with running. In theory I want to be a runner and in reality I'm actually not a bad runner. And I'm pretty good at psyching myself up about running especially when it's warm out. But the actual act of running? Makes me want to hurt someone kinda.

And then my brother - major super athletic guy - is all like, come up to Vermont and run a lot with other people - it's like a race. But it doesn't matter who wins. It's just about the running. Which is total bs because why enter a race if you don't planning on winning. But I could plan on winning but then reality sets in and I'm almost beat by a 90-year-old woman.

So there's this race in Burlington in May. And I was all psyched about it because Jill and I were going to relay run the marathon, each running about 13 miles. Which, I know, is insane but I thought hey, it's only 13 miles I could totally run that! Reality has nothing to do with running. But then we didn't get picked in the lottery. Which I was almost kinda happy about because then I could say, well I was going to run 13 miles but they wouldn't let me! Damn them! All the while secretely pleased that I wouldn't have to run 13 miles. But as it turns out the actual marathon isn't lottery-based so anyone can do that. Well, anyone stupid enough to want to run 27 miles. And then the question arises...am I that stupid?

Because I think y'know as long as I don't die how cool would it be to be able to say I ran a freakin' marathon! But that's if I don't die. And 27 miles? That's like a really really long way. And well, I may have ulterior motives for the run. Because, well, and this is totally horribly embarrasing to even admit, but maybe a little bit has to do with the fact that my brother's really super cute friend might be running the race and yay I could spend time with really super cute friend but then also boo cuz he'd see how much I suck at running and at life and also I could die and that would kinda ruin any chance I'd have with brother's super cute friend but then I find out about this guy and I think man I need to run. I also need to go to England and make this guy my friend because seriously? Fags and booze? Coolest old guy ever!

Jeffrey Brown = Love

2008-03-07T07:59:00.001-08:00

So I'm newly obsessed with alt/indie graphic novels. Forbidden Planet has become a very dangerous place for me, www.fartparty.org is like my new fav site, and Jeffrey Brown is totally my new imaginary boyfriend*.

So finding out that Jeff illustrated a video for Death Cab for Cute? Ummm...OMG! Like major!! [Note: overly exciting things make me talk/type/act like a moron]

*The fact that in most of Jeffrey Brown's books he actually very much reminds me of a recent boyfriend-like person in my life is only kinda weird and disturbing. I'd still date him.

A lesson in voice mail.

2008-02-28T13:32:00.000-08:00

What to say to not get me to call you back:

Hey Sara, it's your dad. We did your taxes. Call me back and I'll let you know how much you owe us.

Yeah, I'm just rushing to talk to him after hearing that. The funny part is that when I finally did talk to my dad he informs me that in addition to the $40 I owe, I'm also getting back almost $400. Like, you couldn't open with that? Thanks Dad!

Clearly Jersey City wasn't far enough.

2008-02-26T12:01:00.000-08:00

When you come from a small town, no matter how far away you move, you can never escape it.

I was home last weekend and ended up going bowling with a bunch of friends from high school. It was a strange array of people that included a bunch of my friends, their significant others, and a bunch of their siblings, mine included. My friend Mike was there with his new girlfriend. I arrived late and ended up at a lane with the people I brought, my brother, sister-in-law, and her brother, farthest away from Mike and his gf. The actual bowling has nothing to do with this story except to include the fact that we ended up closing the bowling alley and were still finishing up our last game when the house lights came on and my brother was up and totally fell on his ass mid-bowl and the guy gets on the little loudspeaker to announce "man down, man down!" and it was by far the funniest thing ever. Also of note is the fact that prior to arriving at the bowling alley I suggested guys vs. girls and Craig made a nice comment about how that wouldn't be fair to Jill and I as we would get our asses kicked. The first game in Jill and I collectively beat Anthony and Craig by about a 40 point margin. It was beautiful! And we can just ignore those second two games where I got my ass handed to me.

Anyway, the following day my aunt is asking about the bowling and who all was there. I mentioned Mike and his girlfriend and my aunt asked me about her since we live in a small town and everyone knows everyone and everyone's business. So I tell her that I didn't really get to meet her and I jokingly make note of the fact that Mike didn't even introduce us.

So today I get a text message from Mike informing me that he just got yelled at by his mom because my aunt told her that he didn't introduce me to his girlfriend.

Not small town enough for you? The other people bowling? Five were people I went to high school with. One was the little brother of one of the girls I graduated with who happens to be friends with the little brother of another girl that was there that night. Mike's brother was also there. He had gone to high school with my brother and his wife, also in attendance, and had just bought and is now living in my aunt's house which happens to be two houses away from the house I grew up in which happens to be next door to the girl and little brother (the one not in attendance) mentioned above.

"Well I was born in a small town and I live in a small town. Probably die in a small town. Oh, those small communities."

Worst nurse ever.

2008-02-25T15:18:00.000-08:00

As if laughing at my ailments wasn't enough.

I was sick yesterday. I was at my parent's house and I was sick and my mom suggested I take something for the terrible sinus headache I had. I asked her what. I said I didn't want anything that would put me to sleep seeing as it was 6pm and I still had to get back to Jersey City. She suggested I take one of her Allegra-D's. She said it wouldn't make me drowsy. I listened.

I got back to Jersey City and was feeling a little better. I put all my clean laundry away and made my bed. Got ready for work and went to sleep. An hour later, at midnight I woke up. Exhausted, but couldn't sleep. I eventually fell back asleep only to awake again a half hour later. This continued until about 6am. I seriously got no sleep last night. None.

So when I got to work this morning I called my mom. I suggested maybe she put a note on the Allegra-D bottle warning that it shouldn't be taken at night since it will keep you up. I thought this information would be a surprise to my mom.

Not even. Her response: Oh, I know. You said you wanted something that wouldn't put you to sleep. I responded that, no, I didn't want to fall asleep at 6pm but I did, however, plan on sleeping at some point last night. My mom's response?

Oh, well, then you probably shouldn't have taken the Allegra-D.

Worse. Nurse. Ever.

I thought maybe someone had died.

2008-02-25T14:43:00.000-08:00

While having dinner with my *almost* entire family, I announced some devastating news. You see back in high school I had a pretty major hard-core crush on one, well considering the nature of my announcement I won't name names, let's just call him L. He was beautiful. He was tall and blonde and man, what a body! Athletic and tattooed and four years my senior and a major bad-ass so of course, love. My crush began the first time I saw him at one of my dad's boy scout functions at age 8 and continued right up until freshman year when he was a senior. I can recall word by precious word all two of the conversations I had with him. I would forever hold dear the idea that he was still driving around in the car he bought from my brother, a car I, too, had driven in many times. The end of my freshman year was the last time I saw L.

Eleven years did not hinder my crush. If anything, the time and distance only strengthened my feelings for L. I held dear in my heart the hope that I would one day randomly run into L. and he would of course immediately recognize me and fall madly in love with me and we would live happily ever after. I ignored the fact that over time I had completely forgotten what this guy even looked like. I ignored the fact while in the process of moving stumbled upon my old high school yearbooks, looked at his picture, and had to do a double-take, almost questioning what I saw in this person so long ago. Despite all this, I continued my crush, my hope, my love.

I recently stumbled upon (I was not stalking, I very honestly, and literally, stumbled upon) a picture of L. on myspace. And my tragic, devastating news?

Dude's fugly. Bloated and balding and dirt bag-y. I thought maybe it was the angle of the picture but there was another one and...it was worse!! An eighteen year crush crushed in a matter of seconds. A terrible terrible loss. A horrific stain on my happy childhood memory.

My family's response:

Joe: Doesn't he live in Arizona?
Anthony: I thought he moved to California?
Dad: No, he's a chef in Boston. He's married and has a kid.
me: Well, I would hope so, cuz his chick picking-up time has surely passed.
Jill: If I remember correctly, wasn't he always kind of dirt bag-ish.
me: Don't say such things!
Anthony: Yeah, he was never really all that attractive.
me: Blasphemy!
mom: Wait, that's your terrible news? I thought maybe someone had died.
me: No, only a small part of my heart.

Barack Obama made me a mix tape.

2008-02-25T09:06:00.000-08:00

Go here: Barack Obama is your new bicycle.

It's like a ridiculously fun time waster. And today is a day of time wasting.

please don't let this catch on.

2008-02-25T08:04:00.001-08:00

I understand the concept. I get the convenience of a hands-free umbrella. I get that this might be sturdier and more protective in rain and cold weather and all that jazz. I get the reasoning behind it, but really? It's weird looking. And if I saw anyone using one, I'd have to laugh at them. Probably while pointing. Because as good an idea as putting your head in a bubble might seem, it looks f'in ridiculous. So even if Daily Candy is promoting it. Save your $70 and keep your friends.

Don't like your money or your friends and want to get rid of them both in one quick shot and look ridiculous in the process?
Then a Nubrella is probably for you.

i want to live here.

2008-02-22T20:38:00.000-08:00

like for serious.

no, she's more like the cool chick from the craft

2008-02-15T07:27:00.000-08:00

So I'm at the Band of Horses show last night and I run into a girl I went to college with. This wouldn't be all that eventful except that I went to college in Virginia and the show was in Brooklyn - so a little random. But not entirely since I knew this girl was working in the city and I had actually run into her once before a few years ago while waiting to get on the subway. So I'm catching up with her and she informs that just that afternoon she ran into another girl we had graduated with. Big city, small world!

So one of the girls I'm at the show with is astounded by this occurrence, stating that she's never run into anyone she's known in the city and she went to school there! So I tell her how just after starting my job last winter I ran into a sorta ex-boyfriend and his wife at Urban Outfitters in the city and ended up having dinner with them, which of course astounded her even further.

Then I just blow her mind with this little story that I like to call, "J.R., Cinderella could've been your mommy."

A few years back my father and I took my nephew to Disney World. While there we took J.R. to see Cinderella. As he approaches her for a picture she asks him what his name is and he replies, "Joseph Roy Mennona" like a good little boy and she asks him where he's from and he responds New Jersey. After the picture is taken, Cinderella leans over to me and whispers, "I think I dated your brother."

After a little investigative work I find out that Cinderella is from my town and did in fact date my brother. Also, her sister was my middle school history teacher.

And this completely blows this girl's mind. She is completely convinced I'm a witch with weird connective powers or something.

So I continue that while in Florida we stayed with my dad's best friend from high school who had retired down there. While there his wife takes a picture of me, J.R., and my father. My parents then send a copy of this picture to my other brother living in Vermont. He puts the picture up in his office at work and one of his co-workers sees it and recognizes the picture from seeing it hanging up at her aunt's house in Florida! Turns out my brother's been working with my dad's high school friend's niece (all originally from NJ but now scattered all across the east coast) for months without anyone realizing it.

The girl I'm telling the story to is now completely freaked out and has me tell the whole story to her friend, the whole time yelling that I'm a witch.

Her friend responds that I'm not so much a witch as I am more like the cool chick from The Craft.

I'll take it.

valentine's day awesomeness

2008-02-14T14:36:00.000-08:00

band of horses show + custom-made t-shirt designs from ben = v-day awesomeness.

suppose i kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall.

2008-02-14T10:27:00.000-08:00

Regina Spektor, will you be my Valentine?

i love you, regina spektor. i love listening to you. i love that listening to you reminds me of driving to boston with the windows down. reminds me of farmers markets in vermont. and of flowers. and of philly jill. and of summer. and sun. and that these thoughts can make me smile even when it's frigidly cold out and my car is far away and boston is far away and farmers markets are far away and flowers and summer and philly jill are all far away. all i have to do is hear "on the radio" and it all seems so close. and i want to thank you for that, regina spektor.

let's not forget how gorgeous and fabulous you are. can i maybe raid your closet some time? and that voice. and that piano. and those lyrics. and i want to be you, regina spektor. or be your friend. or your sister. or your girlfriend. anything really.

so basically what i'm saying is that unless you are regina spektor. you also love regina spektor. or you want to hear about exactly how fabulous regina spektor is today. or if you have news about regina spektor touring closer to ny than norfolk, va. if none of these things are true, then maybe you should probably not talk to me today.

i'm just saying.

other girl crushes include: ani difranco. nellie mckay. zooey deschanel. amanda peet. jenny lewis. (not that that makes my love for you, regina spektor, anything less)

i want a non-existent romantic hero.

2008-02-13T11:59:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day = blah.

I don't even have enough energy for the "holiday" to get into the whole consumeristic, commercial, Hallmark-created holiday bullshit. I mean, it's all true. But I like chocolate so any holiday that provides me with chocolate - even if it's just coming from my parent's - I'm cool with.

But, if I were to receive this:

I would've maybe had to have changed my mind on the subject.

For now I'm sticking with my cynical view:

t-shirt and bear can be found @ love is lame.

Happy Valentine's Day, y'all!

Not getting my hopes up...

2008-02-12T11:51:00.000-08:00

Remember that guy I met on the PATH at 4am? I mentioned that I didn't give the guy my number, but I did give him my email address. I did this because in discussing running he made mention of some NY Times article he thought would be of interest to me, and also because he asked for it and I wasn't just going to say no. Now had he asked for my number that might've been another story but luckily he didn't.

Anyway, a few days pass and no word from drunk random writer guy. I'm not too disappointed as I wasn't actually interested in this guy in any way - through no fault of his own though, he wasn't bad looking or anything - but it bruised the ego a little. I couldn't help feeling rejected even if it was by someone I didn't care about or even know.

So then I'm surprised to finally get an email from this guy. No NY Times article attached of course. And a note that goes along the lines of "I think I remember you. I'm embarrassed since I was drunk and am not even entirely sure I remember who you are but if you are the girl I spoke with on the PATH last weekend and you remember me and are interested in some interesting conversation, here's my number."

and then he says this:

"But don't get your hopes up because I will be leaving the country soon."

Seriously?? Seriously!! Don't get my hopes up? I don't know you. You barely remember even meeting me. And you're telling me not to get my hopes up?

And I already thought of names for our kids. Darn.

accidental insensitivity.

2008-02-12T09:01:00.000-08:00

last week was my sister's birthday. i knew it all day. when i got home i forgot. momentarily. the phone rang and i remembered again and swore after i got off the phone with whoever was calling i would call my sis. but of course it was my sis calling me. who does that? she says she'd had a few drinks and felt it okay to start calling people to make them wish her a happy birthday. i thought this was fair.

while on the phone i start doing the math to figure out how old my sister was now. i think to myself that i'll be 26 on monday so that would make my sister...and then i react...

by yelling out 'oh shit!'

my sister is all a-worry - did you fall? did you hurt something? are you okay?

i sheepishly respond that i just figured out how old she was now. i didn't even mean to be mean.

but i mean - 37? that's old, right?

i tried to make her feel better by reminding her that beth from the real world was 39. i don't think it helped.

happy birthday to me.

2008-02-07T10:58:00.000-08:00

some memorable february 11ths:

february 11, 1963: sylvia plath kills herself.

february 11, 1982: i'm totally born.

february 11, 1993: blizzard. birthday cancelled. mrs. smith bakes me a cake.

february 11, 1997: sleepover. my bff came late because she was too busy going to the valentine's dance with the boy i very regrettably had a crush on at the time.

february 11, 1998: joint sweet 16 with jm. regrettably danced with boy from previous birthday disaster. wore dress from delia's mrs. smith gave me.

february 11, 1999: jill took me to get my license. shockingly passed driving test. found a pair of pants (that i still own) and sweater on sale at american eagle. had lunch at applebee's. purchased the caddy. took ken, meg, and d for a ride to birch hill and back. received the original fizz tape along with tickets to see love of my life billy joel from my best-y.

february 11, 2000: hung out with strange assortment of parkway girls and jm's friends. after everyone left drove with jm and jean bean to the beach. realized it was february. purchased losing lottery ticket. drove home.

february 11, 2001: february 1st, my uncle pete passes away. ken, meg, and d visit me at m-mount. take disgusting test tube shots in my dorm room. get a ride with immaculate sue's stoned friend to the metro. go to some club in dc. spend the majority of the month of february avoiding ken (married ken, not bff ken) who attempts to woo me by taking my roommate out and giving me a box of poptarts for valentine's day. spend prez weekend in b-more to see rent with assorted people i don't really remember being friends with.

february 11, 2003: it was a tuesday. i turned 21. had two exams and a paper due. met helen thomas. took a shot with married sketchy jacon. drank booze in my dorm room with all my underage friends.

february 11, 2005: got a tattoo.

february 11, 2006: best birthday.

february 11, 2007: jacqui's valentine's day party with ken, don, and ben. took my first ever journey shot.

2008-02-06T10:52:00.000-08:00

things i'm missing about college these days:

1. care packages. i realize i only moved 45 minutes away. and that i'm home almost every weekend doing laundry. and that i'm not 18 anymore. but my parents could still send me care packages. or y'know, you could.

2. mail. my sister used to send wicked cool postcards and danielle sent the best letters. mostly to make up for the fact that she'd never call. now she doesn't call. or write.

3. learning stuff. i was way smarter four years ago.

4. friends. my friends were all so near-by. jennie was rarely more than a few feet from my side. i miss that.

5. readily available food. be it crappy caf food or a variety of fast food - food was always right there. and no cooking.

6. sleeping in. how sweet was that.

7. vacations. summer vacation. winter vacation. it was like i never had class. what i would give for a vacation right now.

8. money. i don't know how i seemed to have more money in college when i wasn't doing shit and now that i'm actually making a semi-reasonable salary i'm always broke. but that's how it was.

9. boys. i was so much more popular in virginia.

10. thinking about the future. it was a lot easier to say four years ago that we would totally do london '07 because by then we'd all be settled in our fabulous money-making careers and doing all these fabulous things.

frenchin' at 205.

2008-02-04T14:12:00.000-08:00

saturday night. sorta bday celebration for jm and myself. i invited my best-y but since it was in the city she was a no-go. i didn't bother to really invite anyone else. i mentioned it two friends who live near the city. they were both down. neither showed. this is how the night began. not a good sign.

that afternoon i get a text from a 'roe buddy asking if i'd be in that area that night. i inform him i would not but that he should come out to the city for my bday. he claims he would've had he had more than a few hours notice. i blame ken since had she wanted to come out i would've invited everyone but since she didn't i didn't bother inviting the boys. not only do i feel like i have no friends since no one came out but now mf's pissed at me for not having invited him sooner. let's add that to the list of things that went wrong.

got dinner at stand with jm and her bf and her friend and her friend's bf. despite the fact that i am almost constantly hanging out with ken and don and am almost always 3rd or 5th wheelin' it, i have never felt more like a 5th wheel than i did at that dinner.

we inexplicably drive around the city for about an hour. what we're even doing in a car in the city in the first place is beyond me. we head over to sweet and vicious where a former kkp-er is celebrating her bday. it's small and crowded. i say my hello's and leave to meet back up with jm, etc. at 205. i remember 205 from halloween when i made friends with a creepy old french guy to get in on his table service. i resolve not to make friends with any creepy old french guys tonight. i find jm, etc. and am informed that jm's bf saw an olsen when they got there. my night is picking up.

despite dancing and relatively enjoying hanging out at 205 with jm, etc. i'm still sorta cranky for no reason. then i meet random french guy. luckily not creepy or old and a good dancer even but still not exactly what i need to get out of my grumpisness. i pull the bathroom card and lose frenchie.

i bail on 205 and jm,etc. around 3:30am. i consider taking a cab to the path as it's 3:30am, 40 degrees out, i'm wearing heels, am alone, and in the lower east side (nowhere near the 9th street path station). so of course i decide to walk. i listen to a lot of third eye blind on my ipod as i walk and feel weirdly fine. i get to the path by 4am and am waiting in the crazy drunk crowd for a train. i'm wearing my headphones, am still kinda in a mood, and considering even when perfectly content i still look like i hate the world, i'm imagining that i'm not looking entirely inviting at the moment so i'm surprised when the guy standing across from me starts talking to me. he inquires if i'm a dancer. i inform him i am not. i think it's a lame line even coming from a stupid 4am drunk guy. then he asks if i'm in my pajamas. i think this is the worst line ever and then i realize that my jacket is longer than my dress and so it just looks like i'm wearing leggings and heels - not exactly sleep wear but i see where he was confused. the path shows up and we board and he's telling me that he's a writer who's been out of the country for the last 4 years, traveling and writing. some weird gypsy-looking chick sitting near us starts motioning towards us, winking and bowing her head. giving us her blessing or cursing us. i'm not sure which. she then passes out. writer guy continues to talk all the way to journal square. he gets off the train and says he'll call me. i do not remind him that he doesn't have my number.

it's 5am. i put my headphones back on. motorcycle drive-by comes on. fitting i think. i remember that my car is parked at the path. finally i'm out of my bad mood.

that will make it harder to heal.

2008-02-04T14:08:00.000-08:00

so apparently the piano at my parent's house is the same height as the railing around the stairs at my brother's house. i know this because i walked into the piano at my parent's house and hit my leg in the absolute exact same spot as the bruise that was just starting to fade that i got from walking into the stairs railing.

also, while inspecting the now much worse bruise i noticed that i have two large scrapes on my leg below the bruise that i never noticed before. i think i was distracted by the large, constantly changing color bruise that's been there for 3 weeks now. i do not know where or when these scrapes are from. i have literally no clue.

this plane is definitely going to crash.

2008-02-01T11:05:00.000-08:00

i don't like the cold. that's been well established i think. i kinda hate it. october and november are okay. there's novelty in the cold. and then there's the random warm day thrown in and it all feels okay. december is okay. it's the holidays. it's supposed to be cold. white christmas and all that jazz. then january happens. and from there it all goes down hill. fast.

i tend to hibernate in the winter. i'm so much better in the summer. really.

the one thing i do like about the cold. snowboarding. so i plan a trip up to vermont for martin luther king weekend. since i'm going alone and don't have a car nearby i decide to fly. i book a flight leaving out of jfk the thursday afternoon prior to mlk day. i decide to take a half vacay day and go straight to the airport from the office. this seems like a brilliant plan. i book the flight. i'm psyched.

then i'm sick. i know. seriously. when am i not sick. could i go to vermont and not be sick? i'm starting to think maybe not.

i'm sick the whole week prior to my trip. mostly just a cold. but i can feel it building. getting worse. every day. i know it's waiting. it's waiting for the exact day i'm supposed to leave. to get worse. to ruin my trip. i know.

thursday morning i wake up. i feel like crap. i've gotten just a few hours of sleep since i procrastinated on packing and was up most of the night prior doing so. i call out of work figuring a few more hours of sleep might make me feel better. it really doesn't. i head to the airport. jersey city to jfk = 2 hours. flight from jfk to vermont = 45 minutes. seriously. of course 2 hours and 45 minutes is still a world better than 7 hours in a car (plus a 2 hour train ride to get the car).

i get to the airport with an hour to spare. stock up on mags and candy and get some lunch. they announce my flight. i'm about to board. i'm waiting for them to call my row. i'm listening to my ipod. it's on shuffle. i hear a modest mouse song i've never heard before play. all i hear is a voice screaming, "THIS PLANE IS DEFINITELY GOING TO CRASH!" I don't know how to proceed. I look around, needing to share this ridiculousness with someone. They call my row. I consider calling a friend to relay what I just heard as I'm about to board a plane. I worry that if the plane does crash that the irony of the situation will be lost forever. I also worry though that someone might over hear the call and me saying, "this plane is definitely going to crash," and maybe arrest me.

The plane doesn't crash. I make it to Vermont.

Jill picks me up at the airport. I inform her that I am sick. She informs me that both her and my brother are also sick. Both are on antibiotics. Essentially we're a mess.

Jill is supposed to take off work on Friday so we can go to the mountain. She in unable to do so. I figure I can just take a walk into town while her and my brother are at work. Just hang out in Montpelier for the afternoon. I end up sleeping most of Friday away. Once awake, I get ready to walk into town. I sit down to put on my boots. The longer I'm awake the worse I feel. I decide to sit for a minute before heading out into the cold with a cold. There's an American's Next Top Model marathon on. I don't leave the couch.

My brother eventually gets home. He half-assedly gives me shit about wasting my day, although, I can tell that he feels just as much like shit as I do and probably wishes he had had the opportunity to spend the day watching ANTM reruns. We get the girls ready to take them for a walk. They see their leashes and Anthony moving towards the door and they start barking and screeching and running for the door in excitement. Sadie sits nicely, yelping a little. Ava is a little maniac, attacking the door and making the weirdest little noises I've ever heard come out of a dog. I determine after a while that she sounds like Chewbacca.

Me and my brother walk down to Montpelier. I hit up the wicked cool antique shop on Main Street while Anthony waits outside with the girls. Then we head behind the main part of town to a path leading up a hill. Anthony informs me this is the way to the "park" so I follow him. It's cold and there is snow and this feels an awful lot like hiking and I'm skeptical of what we are going to find at the top of this hill. I'm pretty sure there will be no swings or slides up there or any other sort of park-like items and thus question his use of the term park at all. Also, it's getting dark.

I brought along with me three cameras: a canon elph, a holga, and an old kodak brownie that I'm not entirely sure even works anymore. I stop along the walk to use the brownie. As it doesn't have a flash I want to get some shots in while there's still light out. I also take some quick shots with the holga which I haven't used before. While I love the instant gratification of getting to see my pictures immediately on my digital, I realize I've missed the allure of having to wait to get pictures developed to see what I got. My brother yells at me for being so slow. Informing me that I should wait to get to the top to take pictures and that if I keep stopping there won't be any light at all by the time we get there. I'm pretty cynical about what's waiting for me at the top of this hill so I keep strolling and snapping.

Sadie stops momentarily a couple of times along the walk to relieve herself so to speak. after which she kicks the area with her back feet causing dirt and snow and crap to fly up into the air. as i'm dawdling i find myself behind sadie for most of the walk. this places me right in the line of fire during this little shit-kicking activity. the inappropriateness of the situation is ridiculous.

we eventually make it to "the park." as expected there are no swings, slides, or other park-like items. there is however some sort of brick castle-like structure that you can climb up for an amazing view of montpelier. so anthony and i climb up to the top with the girls. at this point it is far too dark to get any good shots in - as anthony of course predicted. ava attempts to jump off the castle, which pretty much means it's time to get back down to safety. anthony puts sadie and ava back on their leashes and gives me ava's leash to get her down the stairs. here's the problem: i'm afraid of stairs. i'm not afraid of heights. i'm afraid of stairs. mostly going down stairs. and escalators. more so escalators. but certain stairs. really steep stairs. really windy stairs. so these stairs, really steep, windy, and wet and icy stairs - i'm not okay with them. on my own, walking slowly, carefully, i'm not okay with them. getting dragged down them by an out of control dog? definitely not okay. not my favorite part of the trip. i'm just saying. we somehow walk farther up the hill to get back down and then go back to the house for dinner.

then it's saturday and it's snowboarding time. i want to be psyched cuz this is my first time riding with my brand spankin' new snowboarding boots. i'm always riding with jill's old boots, board, and bindings, and the board and bindings are fine, but the boots are about a half size too small which is no good so i finally got around to getting my own boots. and here i am on their inaugral ride and i feel like crap. i make it to the top of the lift and off the chair lift succesfully. i note that this chair lift - one we don't usually take - has an especially steep hill coming off of it and that there are two really inappropriately placed poles right at the bottom of the hill. i'm amazed i don't ride right into the pole but i don't. i strap in and am ready to ride. except not really. because i feel like crap. and i seem to have forgotten how to snowboard. about half way down i take a really hard fall and feel a little dizzy when i get back up. i decide i need a break and go and get some hot chocolate when i make it to the bottom. i'm determined not to give up so easily. i came up to vermont to snowboard and that's what i'm going to do. i go back up the lift with anthony. i forget about the completely inappropriately placed poles. i ride directly into the pole. i am laying flat on my back, board up against the pole. my brother is standing over me, laughing, he points out that you're supposed to avoid the poles, not aim for them. thanks. ass.

i do two successful runs before i get a migraine and have to throw in the towel. i wait at the bar with jill for anthony to finish riding and we head home. i'm miserably sick saturday night and pass out on the couch.

i feel a little better on sunday. i hang around the house with jill and the dogs and then take a walk into town while jill watches football.

i am finally feeling better on monday. jill has to work but anthony has the day off. we head to the mountain with the girls. we don't feel like spending the money on lift tickets so anthony suggests we hike up a closed lift and ride back down. this seems like a good idea. sort of. the hike up takes about 40 minutes and my complaining is actually kept to a minimum. we make it to the top of the lift - which just so happens to be the same lift where i boarded right into the poles, so we reminisce about that for a bit - and hang out in the little house on the top of the mountain for some lunch. the view is utterly amazing and the sun is starting to set. we decide to head back down and anthony chooses then to inform me that the girls don't really like snowboards and that they may freak out a bit when you put yours on. this is by no means an understatement. ava yaps a little and runs around a bit, sadie jumps on me, barkling like mad. anthony tells me that the dogs will just run on ahead down the mountain once we get going. this is a lie. ava takes off but sadie runs alongside me. then sadie decides to run ahead of me, stop directly in my path, turn around and stare me down as i come barreling down towards her. i'm an okay snowboarder. i'm getting better. but i am in no way a good enough snowboarder to try to avoid a moving animal who is actively trying to stand in my way. i seriously didn't think we were both going to make it down the mountain alive. at one point anthony picks up ava and rides down the mountain carrying her. sadie sees this, bolts after anthony, lunges into the air at anthony, flips over and lands flat on her back onto the snowboard. i was pretty sure she was a goner but nope, she hops right back up and starts chasing me again. somehow, we make it to the bottom of the mountain alive.

my brother asks me, 'now wasn't that worth saving $70 on a lift ticket?'

i tell him that it was if you only wanted to take one ride down the mountain like we did. that it was a nice hike and a nice little afternoon activity. it would not, however, be worth it, if you planned on doing more than one run and had to do a 40 minute hike for a 15 minute ride over and over again. that would just make you a cheap ass.

i leave tuesday morning. jill drives me to the airport at 4:30am for my 6am flight. there is an unexpected 45 minute line to get through security. i make my flight by 2 minutes. i do not listen to my ipod and my plan does not crash.

my name is luka.

2008-02-01T09:46:00.000-08:00

i have a bruise the size of montana on my leg. i'm trying to come up with a good story on how it got there. the real story should cause people to think that i'm lying. that i'm hiding something. nobody could be that ridiculous. right?

i broke my finger when i was in 6th grade. i ran into a wall. seriously.

in college i walked into a door so hard i knocked my eyebrow ring out.

i spent a summer living with my brother in vermont and working for my sister-in-law in a warehouse. five weeks i spent in that warehouse. with pointy stuff and box cutters and lots of scary ladders. i made it out without a scratch. my last day in vermont i didn't go to work. i stayed home to pack. i walked into a doorway with my elbow and walked into the coffee table. my arm hurt the whole drive home and i had a bruise on my leg for weeks.

two weeks ago i spent a weekend in vermont. i went snowboarding and hiking and all sorts of 'extreme' activities that had me flailing past trees and slamming into poles and all sorts of dangerous activities. i wish i could say the massive bruise on my leg is from that. i'm going to come up with a really good story about how i snowboarded off a ramp, did a 360 and hit a tree.

the real story? i walked into the railing of the stairs.

bruise the size of montana. still. weeks later. stairs railing.

yes i think i'm okay. i walked into the door again. well if you ask that's what i'll say. it's not your business anyway.
my name is luka. i live on the second floor.

Lists of Lists

2008-01-16T12:47:00.000-08:00

I like to make lists?

Do you like to make lists?

Who doesn't like to make lists?

No one I know, that's who.

Last night, while watching Kimya Dawson play at Sound Fix, I was chatting with Rebecca over lists. We were discussing the difficulties of listing out all concerts ever attended. I attempted this once a few weeks ago. I think my total tally was somewhere near 70 - maybe I'll post it here some day. When I started the list I tried to include dates and the people I attended each show with. This proved futile as dates started out as February 20th?, 1999 to February?, '99 to winter of '99, to '99??? so I eventually gave up. I gave up on trying to include attendants as well since it was pretty much always a different combination of: Kendall, Anthony, Jill, and Katie and I could rarely remember which combination.

Rebecca told me how she recently made a list of all the boys she's ever kissed. I decided to try that today. My list fell sadly short and I have decided that I clearly need to make out more. Any takers?

**I would like to point out here that I did not include the kid that worked at the bowling alley whom I still maintain I did not make out with 8 years ago in the hot tub despite everyone claiming I did (I still have the scar from where I fell out the window avoiding trying to make out with him on my arm to prove it!) even though adding him would help me look slightly less pathetic. That's how committed I am to getting the truth out there.**

Also, Rebecca was quite pleased to be able to remember first and last names for almost all on her list. And even on my pathetically short list I have a lot of "blank's friend" and "that guy from that bar" and "that guy from that one Rutgers frat" and "that guy from that other Rutger's frat." One would think that since I have such a short list it would mean maybe I had some standards or something. Yeah, guess not.

I am now working on a list of all of my big-time crushes. There's a lot. I'm sure there's tons I'm forgetting. If you can think of one, please remind me. I'm actually finding this list quite fun. Particularly realizing what poor taste I had back in the day (no offense to Donny, and of course my continuing crush on the immaculate Logan Powell not withstanding of course).

Any suggestions for other lists I can make??

My bro Joe

2008-01-16T08:41:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard the joke about the guy who walked into a bar and said "ouch" and wondered who over the age of 5 would find that funny?

Today, I present to you, my brother Joe.

This morning I received the following "joke" from my brother Joe:

Last week Indian Chief Iron Feather set the world's record for drinking tea. He consumed 563 cups of tea in two hours twenty-six minutes and 17 seconds. Unfortunately he was found dead the following morning in his teepee.

This is what I'm talking about people. This is what I'm dealing with.

Anyone who attended MTHS probably at some point had a class with Mr. Breese. I was lucky enough to have Breese all four years for one class or another. This meant I got to see Freaks, Marty, Dead Poet's Society, and an assortment of Hitchock films four years in a row. This meant I got to watch Breese recite from memory the back of a toothpaste tube four years in a row. This was four years of hearing "Let's get back on track" while he blew a train whistle and shook a box of staples. And this was four years of classic Breese stories. Whatever story he told that correlated to that picture of the bastketball player standing next to the jockey. And the story of Sam the ghost and the Christmas tree picture. And the story of Annabell Lee, the boat that sank.

Every year, Breese told the story of one student who wrote an entire essay - for a final exam no less - on the famous Poe poem, Annabel Lee. Anyone who has ever read Annabel Lee. Anyone even remotely familiar with the poem. Anyone who has even glanced at more than the first line of the poem knows it's a love poem. Anyone slightly more familiar with the poem, someone in an English class currently studying the poem perhaps, would know that it's about Poe's love for a young woman who dies. Now this particular student decided to take a different approach to the poem and wrote an entire essay on how Annabel Lee was a boat....that sank. Breese gave the student a C for creativity and continued to tell the tale to every class he ever taught for years to come. From what I hear, Breese still tells this story.

The student in the story? Yup, you guessed it. My brother Joe. It's bad enough to have every teacher you ever had in high school read your name off the attendance list the first day of class and have an 'oh God, not another one' reaction - one teacher actually said out loud and I quote 'oh God, not another one' - but to have this story told every year, and to have it be known to everyone in your class that this nimrod student who thought Annabel Lee was a boat that sank was related to you - pure horror I tell you!

Even as I type this I receive another email from my brother Joe. It's long and pointless and pretty much the opposite of funny so I won't even bother sharing it.

I think Joe's friend Frank said it best in his reply:

The jokes considered funny to Joe are not necessarily found funny by everyone on his mailing contacts .....this is a public service announcement thank you

slumber party with the smith sisters recap

2007-12-16T20:58:00.000-08:00

attendees:
me
two out of three smith sisters (kate sent brownies in her place)
tobey

food/beverages:
jones cream soda
pizza bagels
pizza rolls
spicy sesame chicken bites
oreo brownies (courtesy of kate)

entertainment:
high school musical
discussing ashley tisdale's new nose
snl
If3: Questions for the game of love

Basically, how jealous are you??

why i shouldn't call my mom when i feel sick...

2007-12-11T11:55:00.000-08:00

so i'm at work and all of a sudden i get this terrible pain on the left side of my stomach. it feels kind of like a cramping pain, right below my rib and it hurts like hell and it's only on the one side. and i think this is weird and possibly a little worrisome so i call my mom. cuz she's a nurse. and she's my mom. and maybe she can help. ha.

so i ask my mom what side your appendix is on and my mom starts laughing hysterically at me. like non-stop. for like ten minutes. then she tells me it's the right side. so i determine that i don't have appendicitis. and i determine that i shouldn't call my mom for medical advice.

then i ask my mom if she ever laughs at the little kids when they come to the nurse's office and tells her their symptoms. and she says yes sometimes she does.

my mom is a bad nurse.

and then she gave me a lecture about not going to see the golden compass.

why i shouldn't shop after talking to my mom...

2007-12-10T17:43:00.000-08:00

i needed to buy my nephew a birthday present. he's going to be 10. i've never been a 10-year-old boy before so i'm kinda clueless as to what to get him. i call my mom.

i talk to my mom. i get guilt tripped into going to some live nativity thing in the bronx on saturday. i try to express my disinterest in this to my mom since i would have to get up at the ass crack of dawn to go to the bronx since i will be in monroe this weekend and how ridiculous it would be for me to go to monroe so as to get on a bus at the ass crack of dawn to spend my saturday at some live nativity thing in the bronx particularly since i will inevitably be wildly hungover from the ridiculous night planned for friday. my mom says something about the reason for the season and then says she doesn't want to talk to me anymore if i'm going to have an attitude and hangs up.

i go to the store. i shouldn't shop after talking to my mother. i shouldn't talk to my mother.

i came very very close to buying my nephew the golden compass book on tape and a sex pistols belt.

Thanksgiving, or why I don't go home anymore.

2007-12-07T08:35:00.000-08:00

Ugh, the holidays. Family. Food. Lots of things that start with the letter F that I have little to no interest in.

Every year there is great debate over where to have Thanksgiving. There area pretty much only two options: at my parent's or at my brother's in Vermont. The first (and only) year we had Thanksgiving at my brother's I was very much against the idea. This was because I was still in college and would only be home for a few days on break. I wanted to spend this time seeing my friends, not in a car for 14 hours. Of course, no one cared and we went to Vermont. Every year since I've been very much pro Thanksgiving in Vermont. This is because I was now living at home and seeing my friends all the freakin' time. Also, because having my brother in charge of Thanksgiving means my mom is not and thus it will inevitably be a much less stressful event. Of course, once again, no one has cared and we've spent every Thanksgiving since at my parent's. This year, it seemed almost definite - Vermont. There, of course, was drama - who would drive with who? Who would go up when? Who would sleep where? I stayed out of it. Mostly because I knew I would not be heard so why bother putting my two cents in. At the very last minute, for reasons beyond absurd, it was decided - we were to stay in NJ. I resolved that next year I would spend the holiday alone in my apartment with a hot pocket. I hate holidays!

I went home. This is why that was a bad idea.

Let's begin with the fact that I've been sick. I know what you're thinking. I'm always sick. But this is like really sick. This is can't eat anything sick. So this is no fun sick. Especially on Thanksgiving. I don't care about turkey. I don't think much of it. But, man oh man, do I love me some stuffing. And some sweet potatoes. And cranberry sauce! Oh and dessert. How I love dessert! But, alas, there was no dessert for me this Thanksgiving. There was half a cookie and then a stomachache.

What do I love about holidays? The clothes. Holidays are opportunities to get dressed up. Well, I suppose it is for people that are not my family. My family believes in a casual holiday atmosphere. I could get away with wearing my pj's to dinner type of atmosphere. I get dressed up anyway. I put together this cute little outfit that I purchased the night before. My mom takes one look at me and says: interesting. Not 'you look nice' or 'cute outfit', no, 'interesting.' That is not a compliment. Especially not with the look that correlates.

Holidays require two tables. I feel like even if you don't have a big family that requires a big table you probably still have two tables for holidays. Even if it's like only 3 people at one table and two at the other, there's got to be the two. Why? Cuz you need to have the kiddie table. There's the big people table and then the kiddie table. Guess who sat at my family's kiddie table? Yup, that would be me. Guess who sat at the big people table? Yeah, that would be my 9 and 3-year-old nephews.

Oh and the best part about Thanksgiving? It's just the beginning. It's just the beginning of the holiday season. Cuz then comes Christmas. Unlike the drama that came with where we're having Thanksgiving, Christmas is easy. It's always the same place. Christmas Eve at my Aunt's (two houses up from my parent's) and Christmas Day at my parent's. Every year. No surprises.

I ask my brother that lives in Vermont if he'll be home for Christmas this year. He tells me that he probably won't. That my parent's will be coming up to Vermont the weekend before Christmas to see him and his wife but that he'll probably miss out on Christmas at Joe's (my other brother). I inquire, 'what do you mean Christmas at Joe's?' He says, 'you didn't know? Joe's having Christmas at his place this year. Weren't you invited?'

I was not invited to Christmas.

This is why I don't go home anymore.

we are not cold weather people.

2007-12-06T11:50:00.000-08:00

from an email from my best-y:

Hi. I just wanted to send you a quick note and let you know that I love you and value your friendship in the event that I should die of pnuemonia before I see you. It is about 10 degrees in this workroom and I am not sure if I will make it. Have a nice day.

i responded suchly:

Your dedication to sending me such a note despite being on the verge of hypothermia and almost certain death shows that the sentiment is sincere. I ,too, love you and value your friendship and my thoughts are with you during this time. I do hope you pull through as I am very much looking forward to our junk food, chick flick, and booze-filled slumber party!

...and this is why I don't call my parents.

2007-12-04T10:53:00.000-08:00

So here's a little background for y'all. Last Christmas, my dad asked for a USB turntable so he could make mp3s out of his records. I thought this was totally bad-ass and was happy to purchase said item for him so that I could use it. Unfortunately, as the USB turntable only came out last winter, the few stores that even carried it were back ordered for months. None-the-less, I put myself on a waiting list for a store that expected more shipments in February and on Christmas morning I presented my dad with some random reggae record I picked up at Princeton Record Exchange in lieu of, and symbolically representing, his gift to come.

A few weeks later I got word that the turntable was in and that I had 24 hours to decide if I still wanted said item before my credit card would be charged. When I let my dad know that he can be expecting his belated present soon, he informs me that he is no longer interested. As it turns out he's been watching me spend hours upon hours uploading all of my CDs onto my ipod and has decided it looks like way too much work and he's no longer interested. End of story.

Fast forward to this holiday season. About a month ago, my mom hands me a catalog with what seems to be a USB Turntable on it circled with a red pen. She informs me that my dad has requested this item for Christmas and she will be getting it for him but since she doesn't know what it is, she wants me to order it for her. This item is $150 - slightly cheaper than what it was selling at a year ago when it first came out. USB Turntables are now being sold everywhere so I figure I'll just pick one up from Urban for her when it gets closer to Christmas. My mom calls me every other day inquiring as to whether I've purchased the gift yet. She is now convinced that this item will again sell out. I try to impress upon her the unlikeliness of this happening as it is no longer a new item and is now being sold everywhere to no avail.

While home for Thanksgiving I'm looking over some catalog and see a turntable that burns records to CD's. I suggest to my mom that this would be much better for my dad as that's all he's going to use the USB Turntable to do anyway. This would just eliminate an extra step. But since it's twice as much money my mom wants me to just get what my dad asked for.

So then I'm home again this past weekend and my dad is driving me to the train station and he asks if I got him the USB Turntable yet. As he was the one who circled the item in the catalog, I'm not surprised that he knows he's getting it. I tell him I'm working on it and I mention the new Turntable/CD Burner item. He then tells me that that's what he circled in the catalog he gave my mom. I didn't really look at what he circled so I can't say for sure but I did recall the item only costing $150 so I think that this is strange.

My room is somewhat of a disaster when I get back to my apartment so I don't even bother looking for the catalog. The next day at work I search online for other Turntable/CD Burner items, thinking that maybe the one I saw for $300 was just super extra fancy and that there might be ones selling for $150. This is, of course, not the case. Every one I find is $300 or more. I find one for $295, but definitely nothing close to $150. Interestingly enough, every USB Turntable I find is within the $140-$160 range. I come to the conclusion that my dad must not have realized that what he circled was not what he wanted. I call my mom to discuss this with her since what my dad really wants is going to cost twice as much as what she thought she was going to get him and to see if she just wants to get the cheaper item since he can do the same thing with it, just with one additional step or if she wants to get the $300 turntable.

Then this happens:

mom: Hello?
me (as I walk to the PATH after work): Hi.
mom (cheerful): Hi! You sound happy. Why do you sound happy?
me: I'm not. I mean, I'm not unhappy but I'm not particularly happy. I'm leaving work and it's cold out. I don't know.
mom: Did you get that thing for your dad yet?
me: Actually that's why I'm calling. I have a question about what he wants. See, I told him about that thing I saw in that catalog on Thanksgiving and it sounded like that's what he wanted but...
mom: hold on, I'll put him on the phone. (away from phone, but not really) JOE!!!!!!
me (a little louder): no, wait. I don't want to talk to dad. I already talked to dad about this!
dad: hello?
me: why did she put you on the phone? I need to talk to her about this!
dad: what do you need?
me: I need to talk to her. I was telling her that but she doesn't listen.
mom (in the background): I don't know what she's talking about. You talk to her.
dad: You're mom doesn't know what I want. Just buy it.
me: Can I please talk to her?
mom: hello?
me: mom, please listen, do not put dad on the phone! The thing is, what dad circled in that catalog...
mom: I don't know what it is. Talk to your dad about it.
me: DO NOT PUT DAD ON THE PHONE!!!
dad: hello?
me: What is wrong with her? Seriously!!
dad: calm down. now just tell me what's going on.
me: No! You already know what's going on. I need to explain this to mom.
dad: Just get me what I circled in that catalog.
me: But I'm pretty sure what you circled was the turntable that plugs into the computer.
dad: No. Did your mom give you the catalog where I circled the record player that makes CD copies?
me: Mom gave me the catalog but I'm pretty sure what you circled isn't what you think it is.
dad: You don't have the catalog. I'll find the catalog for you.
me: No, dad, mom gave me the catalog.
dad: Then just order that. The record player that burns cds.
me: Dad, I don't have the catalog in front of me but what you circled is too cheap to be the item that you want. I'm pretty sure...
dad: That's what I want. Just order it.
me: Can I please talk to mom?
mom: hello?
me: Please. Please. Do NOT put dad back on the phone! I do not have the catalog in front of me so I will look at it when I get home but what dad wants is not the same price as...
dad: hello?
me: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????????
dad: Now calm down. This is not a big deal.
me: Fine. Fine. Whatever. Fine. (It is taking all of my will power to not just hang up the phone at this point. I am walking down Broadway screaming into my cell phone. I am becoming one of those people I hate.) I will go home and I will look at the catalog and see what you circled and then I will call back and I will discuss this. Fine.
dad: okay.
me: Please, put mom back on the phone and no matter what DO NOT take the phone back from her.
mom: I don't know what he wants. Just order what he circled.
me: Fine. Whatever. I am going to order what he circled in the catalog. It may cost $300.
mom: No what he circled cost $150.
me: I understand that. Please stay on the phone. But what he wants is $300. Don't give him the phone.
dad (in the background): just stay on the phone with her. I know you don't know what I want. I told her the same thing.
me: mom? are you listening?
mom: I don't know what he wants. Some record player thing.
me: Mom, I am telling you I know what he wants. I will buy it. Please listen, and don't give dad the phone. If dad is right and what is circled in the catalog is what he wants then I will order it. If I am right, and I think I am, then what he wants costs $300, however, and please stay on the phone for this, I can get something for $150 which will do the same thing as what he wants except with one additional step that requires hooking it up to the computer.
mom: the second one.
me: the $150 one with the extra step?
mom (Practically whispering so my dad won't hear, despite the fact that my dad knows exactly what he's getting!!!!): no, the other one.
me: the $300 one.
mom (still whispering): yeah.
me: fine. I'll see you for Christmas. Maybe. I still wasn't invited.
mom (exasperated): have a good night sara.

...And this is why I don't call home.

My brother is 12...

2007-11-27T06:59:00.000-08:00

Really he's like 32 or something but you wouldn't know it.

We're on the subway. I'm having a conversation with his wife and her cousin. My brother is standing next to where we are sitting. My sister-in-law says something to my brother but he's not listening. He starts laughing to himself. We ask him what's so funny. He says look, and then proceeds to cover up some lines on the subway's emergency alert box so that it no longer reads: In an emergency, to alert crew members, open box and press strip and instead reads: In an emergency, to alert crew members, strip.

My brother is 12.

Sometimes...

2007-11-26T20:10:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I get sad.

Sometimes I think what the fuck am I doing?
I think about all of the things I said I was going to do once I moved. I think about those 7 months when I was spending four hours of my day and $500 a month on my commute and I'd say, when I move I'll have more time/money for this and that. And now I've moved and I feel like I never have any time/money for anything. I think about all of my friends at home that I hardly see anymore and how much I miss them and how much I miss just hanging out at Ken and Don's on Friday nights playing golf/hockey/links/f*** the dealer/etc. with Ken and the boys. Sometimes I think about who I used to be and how much I miss that person and I wonder if I'm really moving forward or just standing still?

Sometimes I get sad.

Then I remember that this time last year I worked alone in a crazy blind man's basement.

And then I feel better about life.

Favorite person of the day.

2007-11-17T11:55:00.000-08:00

My roommate's boyfriend is totally my favorite person today.

Last night was JM's wine and cheese party at our apartment. As the first guests start to arrive, Joseph cues up the music and he's playing some Billy Joel. Immediately I'm impressed. Yay, Joseph. Then I realize that he's not just playing a Billy Joel, he's playing an entire Billy Joel album! Now that's the way to get a party started!

After the Billy sadly comes to end, Joseph asks me to take over with DJ duties as he felt I had the best musical taste in the bunch.

Seriously! Favorite person ever?
Probably not.
Also, he's JM's bf so that would probably be weird.

But totally favorite person of the day!

Leaf Peepers 5km: The Aftermath

2007-10-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

So I did it. I ran a 5km race. And I survived.

Barely.

Kate and Ben picked me up Saturday morning to drive up to Vermont. Despite my lack of training I was psyched. I, of course, stayed up until almost 3am making the perfect Vermont Leaf Peepers Race Road Trip mix. Luckily, and not surprisingly, Kate and Ben got lost trying to get to Jersey City giving me enough time for the requisite oversleeping and a quick hop in the shower so as not to stink up the car for the 7 hour drive.

At the last minute I decide to call my dad as I realize that while me and Kate both know how to get to Vermont from Monroe, neither of us know how to get there from Jersey City. My dad on the other hand knows how to get anywhere from everywhere.

The problem with getting directions from my dad is this: he will start out by giving you the easiest, most direct directions - this is good. he will then continue to give you alternative directions as follows, "if there's traffic on rt. 17 you can get off on rt. 80 and take the parkway. or you can get off at rt. 27 and take that to the ny thruway or take rt. 17 to rt. 80 to rt. 27 or the turnpike to the parkway to the thruway, etc., etc.' - this is not good. so what started out as very simple directions is now a full sheet of paper of just scribbles.

So we hit the road. I offer to drive first. Considering I've gotten approximately 5 hours of sleep, this is a mistake. But they let me drive. I pop in my ipod and hand it off to Ben to start up the Vermont Leaf Peepers Race Road Trip mix. He can't find it. I make snarky remarks about the skill level involved to use an ipod. I snatch it away to do it myself. I can't find it. It didn't load. I repeat, it didn't load. The mix I spent hours putting together, staying up until all hours of the morning so that we could enjoy some good road tunes on our trip, didn't load! You can't take a road trip without a road trip mix. It's just not done. I am devastated. I momentarily consider turning around and heading back to my apartment to try again. The trip is now, officially, ruined for me.

We put the ipod on shuffle and drive on following my dad's now extremely confusing directions. What my dad failed to mention is that the initial exit we were to be looking for was immediately after we got off of the turnpike. We missed this exit. We never even had a chance with this exit. The problem now is that I did notice the exits for all of these alternate roads my dad threw at me. I even considered taking them but as my dad suggested these as alternatives if, and only if, there was traffic on the initial route and as there wasn't I just kept on going. Until we started to see signs for Pennsylvania.

Last time I checked, Pennsylvania - not on the way to Vermont.

So I call my dad, which is my next mistake. While my dad is really good at giving directions, he doesn't take well to people who get lost using those directions. First there is the yelling - how did you miss the exit!?! how did you miss all those other exits!?! i don't even know where you are!?! Then he just hangs up out of pure frustration. Then he calls back slightly calmer and explains that as we have gone at least twenty miles out of our way past the last logical exit, to just keep going and in a few more miles we will come to exit 38 and to take that to get us to the road we need to get back on track. So this is the new plan.

As I get closer to Exit 38 I make my way to the right lane and start to slow down. No way I'm missing this exit. We approach exit 37. I'm prepared. I'm watching the signs and then...exit 39! WTF! We get off at exit 39, confused, bewildered, where's exit 38?? We get back on the road, this time going in the opposite direction. Maybe, I reason, you can only reach this exit coming from the south? I realize this doesn't make sense, but neither does exit 38 just not existing at all!

We get back on the highway coming off of exit 39. I stay in the right lane as exit 38 should be next. Should be, being the operative term. It is not. There is no exit 38. Exit 38 does not exist. We get off at exit 37 and find ourselves at some twisted seaside-like snackbar except in the middle of nowhere in north jersey. We ask them about exit 38 - they've never heard of an exit 38. They know not of what we speak. They look at us funny for even asking the whereabouts of exit 38. I get a hotdog and we get back on the road.

Since there is no exit 38 and calling my dad back and trying to explain this is not an option, we choose instead to drive 20 miles back to the last alternative exit to get us where we need to go.

An hour into the drive and we're still in fucking New Jersey.

About two hours into the drive, it starts. The sickness. I find myself in the backseat, curled up into a ball, trying desperately not to vomit. This is how I spend the majority of the drive, attempting to sleep, downing midol, hating life.

We arrive. Within minutes I can't breath. Now in addition to serious stomach pains, my allergies decide to get in on the game. Anthony's not breathing too well either. My theory is that Jill did something to the house to screw with the ventilation or something to take down her competition. Little did she know, no such measures were necessary, I was already defeated. Anthony and Jill offer us a typical Vermont dinner - there's a lot of greenery involved, lots of unidentified objects they refer to as vegetables. I'm not interested. I cuddle on the couch with Sadie.

It's an early night. Everyone wants to be prepared for the run the next morning. I'm exhausted and still in all sorts of pain. I down any medication I can find to dull the pains in my stomach, my head and to help me to breath. Nothing seems to be working. I wait for sleep. It doesn't come. Who knew there was caffeine in Midol?

I get absolutely no sleep what-so-ever. I am miserable. I do not want to be in Vermont. I do not want to have to run 3 miles in just a few hours. I want to be at home, in my bed, alone, asleep. But I am not. I suck it up.

The next morning we drive out to the race site. I'm actually feeling slightly less death-like, but still not altogether pleasant, on top of which I'm exhausted from a complete lack of sleep. Shockingly, it's also cold in Vermont. Who knew? All I brought to run in are shorts and a t-shirt. As we stand around waiting for the race to start I freeze.

The 5kers run first with the half marathon runners starting ten minutes later. I stand with Jill and Ben waiting to run. I'm awake, but barely. Running 3 miles is honestly the last thing in the world I want to be doing right now. We check out our competition. Standing near us is a woman who had to be in her 90's. She is wearing possibly the greatest thing ever: a neon pink spandex running outfit. It's amazing. I am distracted by the amazing neon spandex amazingness. At 25 I could not pull off this outfit but this 90-something year old woman is totally owning it. I still don't want to run. I'd much rather just stand around and make fun of people. The race starts. I suck it up and run.

I run the first leg of the run with Jill. Normally when I run alone I will run really fast for really short spurts and then take half-second breaks in between. In order to run with Jill, I'm slowing down my normal pace but running continuously for much longer than I normally would. We wind up running for 2 miles straight, mostly catching up on gossip along the way. I'm not really taking this race seriously, and it doesn't seem like Jill is either, and we're both okay with this. We're running but not trying to kill ourselves to beat anyone or anything. Speaking of, Ben beat us both by about 7 minutes. I'm just saying.

After the second mile I decide to take off on my own. Partially because I'm bored of running so slow and really just want to finish this stupid thing and partially because I want to beat Jill. I'm surprisingly competitive about certain things with certain people. Mostly my really close friends and family. Most of the time I talk a big game but have no real chance of actually delivering on all my shit talking but as it turns out I am actually faster than Jill and have a good shot at taking her down so I go for it.

I'm keeping a fairly good pace when these really really fit men go flying by me. I realize that some of the half marathoners have caught up with me. I pick up my pace, knowing full well how awful I'll feel about life if my brother passes me after being given a 10 minute head start. I make it to the bridge where the 5kmer and the half marathoners split off without seeing my brother, an accomplishment in itself. As I turn the corner I can see the finish line, I'm almost there. Behind me I hear some serious heavy breathing. I turn and see the 90-year-old woman in all her pink spandexy awesomeness. As awesome as she is though, there is no way in hell I'm letting her beat me. She can barely walk and yet she's about a foot behind me on a 5km race. This is pathetic. I pick up my pace.

I finish the race at a pathetic 34 minutes. I beat the 90-year-old woman by only 40 seconds. I beat Jill by a full minute. Yes, Jill got beat by the 90-year-old! After the race I sit down in the little cooling down area and eat a cracker and some water. I'm feeling okay. Sad about my pathetic time but happy to have finished the race at all. After a few minutes, Ben and I go in search of Jill. After we find her we find a little grassy knoll where we can sit and wait for Anthony and Katie. As soon as I sit I realize how tired I am and just completely pass out. I wake up about twenty minutes later to see the first half marathoner cross the finish line. His time is a few minutes over an hour. This guy ran 13 miles in less than double the time it took me to run 3 miles. He hasn't even broken a sweat. He doesn't even bother with the little cooling down area. A few minutes later he's jogging down the street with the guy who finished second. He's clearly a ridiculous human being. About a half hour later my brother finishes and 30 minutes after that so does Katie.

We celebrate at a local pub with booze and food all of which just makes me even more sleepy. We go back to Jill and Anthony's and Jill puts on the football game. I think she's maybe joking. She's not. I pass out on the couch.

The next day we drive back to Jersey.

Back at my apartment I hang up my little runner number thing. I'll let myself pretend I'm a runner. I can pretend that it didn't take me 34 minutes to run 3 miles and that I didn't only barely beat a woman almost 4 times my age.

I can pretend and I can train and next Memorial Day weekend I can run in the Burlington City Marathon and I can kick some ass. Here's hoping.

Countdown to Burlington City Marathon: 181 days

Leaf Peepers 5km Countdown: 0 days to train

2007-09-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

Umm...Oops? Where did the time go? Oh right, there was the packing and the Puerto Rico and the engagement party and the moving and the unpacking and the...holy crap the race is this weekend!

I am seriously, seriously not prepared for this. My sister-in-law claims that she too has not been training and is also not prepared for this race. I tried to explain to her the difference between me not training - sleeping in, living on poptarts and hot pockets, being lathargic and inactive - and her not training - a strictly organic vegetarian diet, waking up early, being all productive and active, climbing mountains on a regular basis for fun. See? I'm screwed.

Who's idea was this??

Leaf Peepers 5km Race Countdown: 54 days to train

2007-08-07T10:46:00.001-07:00

Last night. 2 miles. 17 minutes.

And still sick.

Leaf Peepers 5km Race Countdown: 58 days to train

2007-08-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

My training has been put on hold since I'm still sick- yuck! Unfort I can't make a doctor's appointment until next week so until then I might be laying low with the whole running thing.

I know, I know, horror of horrors! The sorrow, the pain! I shall dream of the pavement passing ever so quickly beneath my fashionably sensible running sneaks. To have to wait to feel the sweet agony of unrelenting pain. The blisters! The sore muscles! The unbearable August sun beating down on my sweating brow! I don't know if my poor heart can take the wait.

But it must! For soon I shall return to my former health (although really, let's be honest here, when am I not sick?) and continue forward with my training with renewed energy and strength to once again put you all to shame with my masterful running time. For after these long, grueling days of training, it will all prove worth it in the end. For there is nothing greater in this life than crossing that finish line to great accolade from your (or at least anthony and jill's) fellow townsmen and receiving that coveted prize of...

A long sleeve t-shirt. Woo hoo!

Too much?

Leaf Peepers 5km Race Countdown: 59 days to train

2007-08-02T14:43:00.000-07:00

Training has been put on hold. I've been sick all week - this is what spending time with nature, doing exercise, and eating salads does to me - so no running since Monday but once I beat this silly little cold I will be back hitting the pavement - faster than ever. Be prepared.

Leaf Peepers 5km Race Countdown: 61 days to train

2007-07-31T10:40:00.000-07:00

It's on.

To start, I ran two miles last night just to see what kind of time I'm looking at. Two miles in 19 minutes. Looking at last year's times for this race, the time to beat for my age group is 19.58 so I have 61 days to add a mile without raising my time.

After my run I embraced this new healthy runner lifestlye and swam a few laps in the pool and then ate a plum.

Then I ate a Sara Mennona original consisting of yellow pudding cake, three cookies, maple spread, honey, and nutella, drank about 3 gallons of milk, and watched tv.

Tonight I shall drink profusely and probably get 3 hours of sleep.

Tomorrow I shall run again.

I will surely kick the ass of everyone who dares run alongside me. Be warned. You mess with the bull, you get the horns.

running man.

2007-07-29T22:31:00.000-07:00

anytime i spend any sort of extended period of time with my siblings i am usually left wondering how in the hell we're related.

i mean, really!

i spent the weekend in vermont. i once again spent my summer friday in a car for many many hours. i am clearly a waster of summer fridays.

i went up to visit my brother. my brother who thinks riding his bike for 37 hours straight is a good time.

we walked. we walked 9 miles. in the heat. with the bugs. and the heat. and the yuck.

then we swam across a lake.

it must have been the heat. or the bugs. or the lake. somewhere along there i was convinced to sign up for a 5km (approx. 3 miles) race.

24th annual leaf peepers 5km race. sunday, september 30. waterbury, vermont. time to beat from 2006 results: 19.58 minutes.

the way i see it there's no point in joining a race unless i plan on winning. not just winning but completely dominating. i shall train. i shall become...a runner! i will run. i will run 3 miles. i will run 3 miles and kick everyone's ass.

be prepared bitches.

i guess i'm more like my brother than i thought.

It just looks cool...

2007-03-30T08:26:00.000-07:00

Picture of the Day:

Reuters/Andy Gao
A vendor waits for customers to play inside plastic spheres near the seashore in Sanya, China, on March 29, 2007.

Today's notes

2007-03-29T15:49:00.000-07:00

I have a serious fear of down escalators so just thinking about this freaks me out.

This makes me smile, but if I'm being honest the picture does skeeve me out a little.

And eww is pretty much the only response I have to this.

If you wanted to buy this for me...

2007-03-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

I'd be okay with that.

“High energy and immediacy characterize the era's graphic design: text was often handwritten and laid out sideways, and trippy cartoons in saturated colors captured a drug-addled generation.”

amazon

Fugly Fendi

2007-03-28T11:24:00.000-07:00

It's like they took the top half of a flat sandal and slapped it onto a wedge heel and then brilliantly added a kitten heel to the bottom of the wedge. Seperately I think these three shoes are probably really cute, but together...

they kind of make me throw up in my mouth a little.

And also it's $640. There's that vomit-y feeling again.

Cuter than the real thing

2007-03-27T13:04:00.000-07:00

This:

is way cuter than this:

Also, me and acorn (the stuffed one, not the one on the tree) have a lot in common:

This heavily armored creature enjoys traveling and eating out at restaurants slightly beyond it's price range. Acorn has amassed some credit card debt but keeps the creditors away with it's sharp spines.

Maybe I need to grow some sharp spines.

Get the cuter of the acorns here:
www.perfectchildren.etsy.com

The 'More You Know' portion of this blog

2007-03-26T14:16:00.000-07:00

Today's Headlines:

For Some Black Pastors, Accepting Gay Members Means Losing Others

When the Rev. Dennis Meredith of Tabernacle Baptist Church here began preaching acceptance of gay men and lesbians a few years ago, he attracted some gay people who were on the brink of suicide and some who had left the Baptist faith of their childhoods but wanted badly to return.

At the same time, Tabernacle Baptist, an African-American congregation, lost many of its most loyal, generous parishioners, who could not accept a message that contradicted what they saw as the Bible’s condemnation of same-sex relations. Over the last three years, Tabernacle’s Sunday attendance shrank to 800, from 1,100.

“The church has to come to a point when it has to embrace all the people Jesus embraced, and that means the people in the margins,” Dr. Samuel said. “It really bothered my congregation when I said that as people of color who have been ostracized, marginalized, how can we turn around now and oppress other people?”

Failing Schools See a Solution in Longer Day

Can't we just let kids be kids? I'm all for having higher standards in terms of the quality of a kid's education and everything but isn't childhood supposed to be the care-free part of your life? My 9-year-old nephew has upwards of 4 hours of homework a night and now you want to extend the school day? I think this is a bad idea on all sorts of levels but that's just my opinion.

So there you have it, the more you know. Don't you feel smarter already.

Well if The Koran says it's okay...

2007-03-25T17:38:00.000-07:00

This is some crazy shit.

A German judge has stirred a storm of protest by citing the Koran in turning down a German Muslim woman’s request for a speedy divorce on the ground that her husband beat her.

In a ruling that underlines the tension between Muslim customs and European laws, the judge, Christa Datz-Winter, noted that the couple came from a Moroccan cultural milieu, in which it is common for husbands to beat their wives. The Koran, she wrote in her decision, sanctions such physical abuse.

And this judge is a woman. That's just messed up.

All trees are cool but...

2007-03-23T13:44:00.000-07:00

these are the coolest.

If I had $200 to spend on a blanket...

2007-03-23T11:16:00.000-07:00

I'd totally get one of these:

www.moonchingwu.com

They're made from old cashmere sweaters so they're soft, warm and green. Yay for them.

Unfortunately I do not have $200 to spend on a blanket as I would imagine most people don't. I'm sure it won't look as good but I might have to go and hit up the thrift store and make my own.

In related news, according to the site that sells them, these blankets come from an assortment of animals including this:

I don't know what it is exactly, but I think I might need one.

Best thing ever?

2007-03-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

This American Life takes on television.

Worst thing ever?
I don't have Showtime. Lame.

I guess me and Ira will just have to bond over the radio for now

Philip Seymour Hoffman, will you be my boyfriend?

2007-03-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

This) looks fantastic for the following reasons:
1. Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Duh.
2. Daphne Rubin-Vega. Mimi!!!!!!
3. "compulsively chatty embalmer’s assistant"- love it!
4. "an affection for things Rastafarian. (This means he smokes a lot of marijuana, listens repeatedly to the rasta anthem “Rivers of Babylon” and wears tentative, pale-blonde dreadlocks that look like a bad case of hat hair)"- love it more!

I'm totally trying to get rush tickets for this some day after work. Anyone in the nyc area interested in joining me- let me know.

PERFORMANCE SCHEDULE:
Tues Feb 27 - Sun Apr 29
Tues at 7pm (Tues Mar 27 at 8pm)
Wed - Fri at 8pm
Sat at 2 & 8pm
Sun at 2 & 7pm

Unavailable Dates: Sun Mar 18 at 7pm, Tues Mar 27 at 8pm, Tue Apr 10 at 7pm

Rush Tix
There will be a limited number of $20 Rush Tix available at the box office for every downtown theater performance on sale to the general public one hour prior to curtain. There is a 2 ticket limit per person. Cash only.

See you later, (project) decorator!

2007-03-15T11:36:00.000-07:00

I would like to state for the record, I had no intentions of ever watching Project Decorator or America's Next Top Decorator or Survivor: Pacific Coast Design Center or whatever the name is of Bravo's newest reality show. While ANTM, Project Runway, Beauty and the Geek, and (sadly) Grease: You're the One That I Want are a few of my favorite tivo'd shows, I am not a competitve reality junkie. I do love me some Real World/Road Rules Challenges, but that's mostly because, being a teen in the 90's and all, I watched many a season of Real World and can't help myself but to watch the reality show stars of my youth battle it out doing inane (increasingly so as the seasons go on) stunts, but I even dropped the tivo'ing ball with the last season now that we're mixing in off-the-street 'rookies' and foregoing mental challenges for purely physical ones. I've never watched Survivor, Flavors of Love, Making the Band, or Bravo's other competive reality show Top Chef. I appreciate the idea behind that Amazing Race show and I would probably watch American Idol if it wasn't on every single night for many many hours, but it wasn't like I thought, oh another competitive reality show- gotta set the tivo. And if I'm being completely honest, I wish I had missed the boat with this particular gem, but thanks to itune's free download of the pilot episode, I am now hooked.

The very first, and probably the biggest problem so far with the show is that we're already four or five (or maybe more?) episodes into the season and I still don't know (or worst, care) who I'm rooting for. From day one, I've been, generally speaking, a Goil fan. Partly because of his affinity towards using large random ceramic fruits and vegetables as conversation pieces in his rooms, partly because of his way of introducing himself as 'goil like gargoyle,' and a litte bit because I really liked the swing chair and sandbox in the Alexas Arquette room and the leg-less chair in the design student's room challenge, but am I really going to care if he wins? Probably not. During the preview for last night's episode they showed Goil on the verge of tears and I was very upset at whoever made my dear Goil cry, but after watching the episode, it turns out I really couldn't care less. This is mostly because while I feel for Goil in not being heard and feeling pushed out of the little Eric (or was it Matt? I forget which is which- which really shouldn't be still happening this far into the season) and Andrea Exclusive Club, that judge guy (again, I don't know names here although this could be less about production problems and more because I really don't care about interior decorating at all) totally had a point that you have to make yourself heard, that's part of the challenge. And also it really seemed like Andrea and Eric really didn't realize what they were doing until confronted by Goil so the whole confrontation scene made Goil seem like a child more than making Eric and Andrea seem like vilians and what's a reality show without a good villain. Which brings us to issue number three- I don't really care about the villians. Carissa and Michael are clearly the petty, annoying, coniving, lazy, whatever, whatever villians of this show but really? They're not that bad. They're annoying, yeah. They're petty, sure, but I have yet to really want to smash my tv in over their annoyingness and pettiness (see: renee, antm cycle 8). Speaking of wanting to smash my tv, the thing that really made me want to do that last night was this:

Look, Kelly Weastler, up until now I've appreciated your zany approach to fashion- your side ponytails, leggings, and that crazy frizzed out crimped 'do you were trying to rock last week despite the fact that you are clearly no longer 17. You do have a young look and you seem like you'd be fun to party with and of your judging counterparts I've always liked you the best (not counting episode 1 when Alexis Arquette was guest juding of course), but unfortunately that is no longer true. I really didn't think Jonathan Adler was going to redeem himself to me after that ridiculous 'see you later, decorator' catch-phrase but you made it possible Kelly. You, and that ugly-ass catastrophe you call an outfit. But seriously, I've wanted dresses with pants to work. I really did, but it just doesn't. Personally, most cases, I don't find it nearly as offensive as the Fug Girls (http://gofugyourself.com) do, but this? This is where I draw the line. The problem, really, is the dress. Remove the dress and you have a fairly acceptable outfit. I can't even say, wear the dress alone and you'd be alright, because you wouldn't. That dress is Fug! Seriously. I really think that Erik was seriously wrongly eliminated- because that dress was the biggest design faux paus going on last night. I was hoping Margaret Russell (who was kinda rocking her outfit last night) would just slap some sense into Kelly (you know Margaret is just waiting to slap someone!). That dress was ugly to the point of distracting me from the actual competition. Which, come to think of it, might have been the idea because...

OMG- dumbest challenge ever! Here's the question I would like to pose to Bravo: Do you really think the American public are too stupid to distinguish between interior designer and event planner? or is it the staff at Bravo that are too stupid to distinguish between interior designer and event planner? Because, really, very. different. things. I'm just saying. The fact that Michael's team won after he outright stated that he based his design on what he's seen from going to parties in NY and because the judges loved the bouncer who was NOT part of the design aesthetic. Goil atleast made an attempt to use unique design elements although they got drowned out by the rest of his teammates. Also, enough already with the group challenges. This could be why I don't care about any of the designers on an individual level.

The reason I bother at all is because I know Bravo can do better. I mean, Project Runway anyone? So, seriously, step it up Bravo. Get with the interior design program. Stop with the group challenges. And do something about Kelly! Give Nena Garcia a call- she'd totally help a sister out.

The 'more you know' portion of this blog

2007-03-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

Today's Headlines:

Dying Woman Loses Appeal on Marijuana as Medication
So this 41-year-old lady is dying from an inoperable brain tumor and an assortment of other serious ailments and some California judges won't let her use the marijuana her doctor's recommended for her. Totally lame. First of all, check out the picture of the lady crying on the phone- maybe it's cuz she looks kinda like my mom- but that totally just breaks my heart. And, seriously, if she's dying and in some serious pain and smoking a little mary j is gonna help her out, what is the big deal?? The lady is wearing pearls in her picture- she doesn't exactly strike me as someone who just wants to get high for the fun of it. Also, in California, really? My advice, Ms. Raich, move to Vermont. Seriously.

F.D.A. Warns of Sleeping Pills' Strange Effects
These 'strange effects' include eating and driving while asleep. Ummm....what? Okay, eating while you're asleep- probably not the best thing for you, but driving while you're asleep? I'm thinking that might fall under the heading: worst idea ever.

The following quote would be seriously f'in funny if it wasn't actually happening:

Sleep-drivers reported frightening episodes in which they recalled going to bed, but woke up to find they had been arrested roadside in their underwear or nightclothes.

In other news: The Bush administration, which six months ago issued a series of political goals for the Iraqi government to meet by this month, is now tacitly acknowledging that the goals will take significantly longer to achieve.

The Bush administration underestimated how long something would take in Iraq? But they're usually so good at judging these types of things.

So there you have it, the more you know. Don't you just feel smarter already?

labor day.

2005-09-05T14:23:00.000-07:00

i am tired. very tired. i am confused. very confused. i am completely and utterly unmotivated to do any work today. very completely and utterly unmotivated to do any work today. i am in love with chris martin. very in love with chris martin. the end.

Holy Freakin' What???

2005-06-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's been a while. Yeah, I didn't go to Bonnaroo. Yeah, I'm not moving to California. Yeah, I'm still driving the Moldsmobile. Yeah, I got a job. No, wait, two jobs. Yeah, I'm still broke. How is that freaking possible? So here's what doesn't make sense, amongst everything else that doesn't make sense, I stop blogging for the three-or-so months that I'm not working, or doing anything for that matter, and start up again when I'm working two jobs and taking a night class? Well I do have things to blog about now, such as my blind boss or the bird that flew into the gallery the other day or, speaking of birds, my birdy friend that I found next to the pool, named Fluffers, and then buried in the backyard. Plus it is one more thing, in addition to my many jobs and educational pursuits, that keeps me from remembering that I have no social life to speak of what-so-ever. Now I have my blog. Aww, blogg-y I missed you! Love.

It must be Sirius' awesomely bad station...

2005-03-09T08:37:00.000-08:00

and I don't mind either cuz I happen to like Starship's We Built This City, but even I have to draw the line some place!
I work at a brokerage firm that recently relocated offices. During the move a satelite radio station was installed that emits an easy listening station, similar to that of Magic 98.3, even if you've never heard the station, you know the type. Lots of Phil Collins, Rod Stewart, Barry Manilow, etc. Crap, but classic crap.
I can't complain, however, because a station that averages two Billy J. songs a day can't be all bad, plus, I'm usually able to tune it out. Every now and then I pick up a note or two and my ears perk up when something good or unusual is playing. At first, hearing my new favorite song, some depressing country ballad by Tim McGraw, every half hour was exciting for all of a day, but the novelty soon wore off and I've stopped listening when ol' Timmy's voice is overhead.
So, I was pretty suprised one day, early last week, when I heard Tiffany in the office. That's right, Tiffany, as in too-cool-for-a-last-name teeny-bopper of the 80's, rival of Debbie Gibson, shopping mall crooner. To be fair, it was the softer side of Tiffany, a love ballad that was probably indistinguishable to most (at least those who were not pre-teens in the late 80's).
Then today I was found dumbstruck when I heard a familiar little diddy. I thought at first that I was imagining it and that the tune was only playing in my head. It seemed plausible, but no, I listened closer and it was real. I took a walk to the reception area, where its played the loudest, and lo and behold, there in the reception area of a brokerage firm: whoa, oh,oh,oh,oh,oh. That's right, we're....HANGIN' TOUGH!! My office was playing freakin' New Kids on the Block. NKOTB!?! And no one said a word. The receptionists answered the phone as if it were any other song. Could you imagine calling an insurance office and hearing NKOTB in the background? Even better, how about walking into an office and hearing it? It would be physically impossible to not break into dance. And not just any dance, you know the one, and if you don't, that's just sad. Right, left, right, pelvic thrust! Today was the best day at work ever! I wonder what they'll play tomorrow...

The 'My Dad is Freakin' Old' Party!

2005-02-24T09:21:00.000-08:00

So the thing is, my dad, he's freakin' old! So his loving children decided to throw a party in celebration of his 60th birthday, amomentous event! More specifically his loving children were told by his loving wife to throw him a party. So now we have to plan this little shindig. Unfortunately my old man had to go and raise good, productive children who have careers, families, and dogs, and/or who live really freakin' far away. All except one that is, so the main responsibility of organizing this event has rested upon yours truly.

First thing that needs to be done is to decide what sort of 'my dad's freakin' old' party this is going to be. Of course it has to be big. Bigger than say, a Mr. Ron Esak's 60th birhday party with two bands and an ice cream truck. This party is going to be a hootenanny (little bit of hoot, lots o' nanny). It's going to be wild. Page six shit, man! Dancing on the tables, puking on the lawn. We will be forever remembered for this wild party and will be put into the same category as P.Diddy and those annoying spoiled kids from MTV's Sweet 16.

First things first, we needed to decide if it was going to be a surprise party or not. While my siblings were for surprising our pop, I felt that it was bad idea for two very key reasons. One, we really need to consider the health risk of a suprise of this stature at his age, and, two, the dude started inviting people months ago, clearly he knows it's coming. Plus, it's going to be kind of hard throwing a surprise party for him in his own backyard. I know my dad's getting a bit slow in his old age but come on! Which brings us to our next decision to be made: location. My ingenuous idea of hosting the party in a roller rink was quickly shut down. No imagination do these siblings of mine have. So unless another venue opens up it will remain in my parent's backyard. While not ideal, it does help us save money and travel time.

Our current conundrum is deciding on a theme. Unfortunately the roller disco theme doesn't really hold up well without the roller rink. My sister suggested a costume party, but with it being held in June and not October and being that most of the attendees are going to be old and boring, I'm thinking it's not the best plan to go with. My sister, always on the lookout for opportunities to wear her feetie pj's, suggested a pajama party. Also, quickly shut down. There was the 'This is Your Life' idea, but considering that my dad's freakin' old we're thinking his third grade teacher is probably six feet under at this point. So then we came up with 'This isn't Your Life' where we'd just get people off the street who don't know my father at all. Maybe finding some hot chick and announcing 'if you never met mom this could've been your wife,' and finding some crazy pierced and tattooed person (no, not me) and being like 'if you never had us, this could be your kid.' But what with my dad already having an illegitimate German child and Sarah McLaughlin being my long-lost half-sister, the likeliness that this random hot chick is actually my father's mistress and this random crazy tattooed and pierced kid is actually my half-sibling is too great and not worth the risk. I recommended we roast my father, but my sister said that it could turn cruel, but I felt it was only fair after my father told me I looked like Joe DiMaggio. Anyway, now we're pretty much lost for ideas. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Once the theme is taken care of we can move onto entertainment and guest list. I'm thinking 50 cent and Beyonce. Oh, yeah, this is gonna be a good party! (ed. note: I do not look like Joe DiMaggio!)

State of Being, or If your state ceases to exist what happens to your being

2005-02-22T16:47:00.000-08:00

I live in central New Jersey. I have lived here for 23 years. Above me is north Jersey, below South Jersey, but right here, is central Jersey. It's fairly simple, the town I grew up in, Monroe Township, is located approximately forty-five miles south of New York City, forty-five miles east of the Jersey shore, and forty-five miles west of Philadelphia. Simply put, in the center of the state of New Jersey. My town's turpike exit is 8A. I live in central New Jersey, which is why I can not comprehend how people can completely dismiss the existance of a central New Jersey.

When in north Jersey, we are referred to as southerners. When down south, we are referred to as northerners. We are neither. We are a diverse mix of both. Monroe Twp. is home to both southern red necks and New York commuters, and we are constantly denied are unique identity. In the minds of most New Jersians we do not exist.

What if people started referring to people located below the Mason-Dixon line as northerners, oh I'd bet they'd love that. People in San Diego are now from Northern California and people from Vermont are good ol' southern boys. Of course, such location-based misnomers are completely relative. Vermonters are southerners in the eyes of Canadians. San Diego is north for Mexicans. But no matter where you are located you can not deny the fact that something located directly in the middle of a body of land would be considered the CENTER.

My former college roommate was located in the unfortunate town of Horseheads, NY. Unfortunate due to its unique title, but also for its location. Of course, a town located within the state of New York, and not in New York City, must for all intents and purposes be considered up-state. Horseheads is in no way, shape, or form up-state. It is actually located at the bottom of the napkin as my roommate often illustrated, or in plain english, west of New York City. Not north or up, but west. I oft times ridiculed this Horseheads resident for getting so irate over a silly location of a town. I now feel her anger. I hereby apologize to Jennie, acknowledge the location of Horseheads, and demand similar respect from those who deny the existance of a central Jersey!

Here lies Sara's spirit...

2005-02-21T19:24:00.000-08:00

Sara's spirit passed away late last night after a fatal stab to the heart. Only hours after a treacherous return from a brief sojourn in Vermont, Spirit was rendered defenseless in a verbal spar with none other than Sara's mother, the Praying Downer.

Accounts from family and friends concur that Spirit was unusually jovial in the days leading to her demise. This unusual joyousness has been contributed to Spirit's up-coming trip to California. It seems that an unexpected glitch in travel plans were the reason for Spirit's tragic confrontation with PD. Spirit, often considered a glutton for punishment, chose to confide in PD her traveling woes in hopes for some sort of remedy, or at the very least motherly empathy.

"I really thought she might have a solution to my problem," said Sara. "It never occurred to me that she would only make things worse."

And make things worse, PD did. After acknowledging Spirit's travel anxieties, PD attempted to assist by bringing to light the numerous other things Spirit should be concerned with. What began as a polite conversation turned vicious when PD began reading the classifieds to Spirit, often times ignoring the fact that Spirit was in no way qualified for most of the listed positions, many of which required years of experience equal to that of Sara's age or the ability to cure cancer while running a small country. Only slightly defeated Spirit attempted to rebut with her well-thought out life plan, often referring to the point that at only 23 years of age, there was no need for Spirit to know exactly what lay ahead. PD fought back with a weak sucker punch, drawing attention to the small fact that many of Spirit's previous life plans have fallen apart, or worse, were never even implemented. With only a wimper of a rebuttal from Spirit, PD quickly took control of the fight with a blow to the stomach, addressing the "car situation." Caught off guard, Spirit only made the situation worse acknowledging that attempting to fix a vehicle that would need replacing by summer was a mistake and that no plans were currently in the works on how to rectify the situation.

Spirit attempted to save herself, admitting defeat and walking away from the fight, when she was unexpectedly attacked from behind. In an unprecedented bad judgment call, PD chose this moment to notice Spirit's t-shirt. The alleged shirt had a print of a gun with a heart extending out of the barrel and the phrase "Love Gun" above it. PD was taken aback by the shirt, unsure of whether or not she was truly offended by the "Love Gun" message. After a moment's consideration, PD decided that the shirt was indeed offensive since she was "against guns." Unsure of how to handle the unforeseen turn of events, Spirit attempted to defend the clothing choice in a number of ways. Her immediate response was to use logic, a usually ineffective weapon when battling the more literal PD, making the obvious point that if one needs to think about whether or not they are offended by something, then they probably are not. Not leaving a mark, Spirit reconsidered her approach and chose to make the point that the shirt fit so well that the "Love Gun" print was not a consideration when making the purchase. In a last ditch effort, Spirit chose to appeal to PD's infamous frugal nature stating the shirt's practically non-existent price tag as the reason for it's possession. Spirit's last desperate attempt to save herself was to no avail.

With one final blow, PD stated that Spirit was "irresponsible" and predicted that within the year, would end up "without a car, broke, and unemployed." Utterly defeated, Spirit retreated to her lair under the covers where she breathed her final breaths. According to statements from witnesses Spirit's final words were, "I was only worried about getting my suitcase from the apartment to the train station."

Sara's spirit was buried in the backyard next to the dog in a quiet ceremony early this morning. The victimized Sara was the only attendee. There has been no word yet as to what PD's punishment will be, although speculation predicts a long-term sentence of the silent treatment.

(ed. note: sad thing is i think my mom might be right.)